Kissing toads without finding a frog: why you’re still single

You’re at your friend’s wedding. You hear the beautiful vows and are happy to see that the bride and groom are in love. You stuff your face with food, attempt to dance it off but are thinking “When will my turn come?” Well you can either attempt to catch the bride’s bouquet or DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT!

This is not an article targeted for people who have consciously decided to be single as they have commitments to work, family or self improvement. I give credit to these people because they know that they can’t give a relationship their all and won’t waste any time.

On the contrary, the subject here is the people who are playing the “poor me, I’m so alone” card. Frankly, I get tired of hearing these stories and have no more sympathy for this issue. I strongly believe that not being able to find the perfect person can be the result of three issues: problems with self, problems with who you are attracted to and problems with where you are looking for people.

“Love thy neighbour as thyself”. We have heard this quote multiple times but it’s true. You should love others but can you give love to someone else if you don’t love yourself? Insecurity is one of the key reasons as to why you’re still single. Insecurity can derive from a bad childhood, a bad relationship, you name it but these are all things from the past. Leave your demons behind you. Let the people who bring you down go. Surround yourself with positive energy. Write daily mantras to uplift your spirits. People can smell desperation which usually stems from insecurity. This is how rebounding comes to be (a vice I used to be very much guilty of) since we want to ignore the feeling associated with rejection. Don’t allow others to validate your identity. Work on these issues and when you are at your happiest, then it will be time to consider a relationship. Your significant other will appreciate this too.

Also, look at who you are being attracted to. Are you compromising your core values in favour of someone who is good-looking? Are you giving someone a chance because you believe there is not much out there? If yes, then stop what you are doing because it will lead you to a dead end. Don’t discriminate love based on race, age, salary or career. Find out who the person is at their core and see if it aligns with who you are. Then, you know if they are right for you. Trust me, I wouldn’t be with my boyfriend today if I didn’t venture out from my old type: uncommitted, conceited and reminiscent of guys on Jersey Shore.

Finally, where you are looking for that special someone is key. If you want someone who wants commitment, going to a club is not the way to do it. Network through friends. Go out to a nice restaurant or pub. Try an online website with high marriage rates. Most importantly, get yourself out there! You can’t just sit at home and think that your soulmate will be knocking on your door. Be proactive about your love life and feel sexy, not sleazy.

Insecurity, attraction issues and improper meetings. These are what I like to call The Single Person’s Bermuda Triangle. Get out before you get lost.

Sincerely,
The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

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