All is fair in love and war…or is it? How to fight fairly

Hey guys! Sorry about the lack of blogging. I have been trying to do some research which involves living through personal experience. More blogs to come, I promise!

Fighting is never an easy thing but relationships will have them. Depending on how you two get through your worst moments, it can either strengthen or harm your relationship. I find that most fights that healthy relationships have are based on misunderstandings and lack of communication. Here are some tips of how to communicate rather than hurt during a disagreement.

1. Location, location, location. Don’t fight in public. Your emotions will be amplified as you will subconsciously want to prove to everyone around you that you’re right. It is always best to sit down face to face and after you have taken the time to calm down in a place where it can be just you two.
2. Don’t play the blame game. Instead of saying, “you’re a jerk for not consoling me when I failed my exam”, say “it hurt me when you didn’t console me when I failed my exam”. Identify a problematic behaviour, not a problematic person.
3. You are not always right. People do things in different ways and not everyone is going to do things the same way you do. For example, last night I complained to my boyfriend that he never says that he misses me. He replied that his way of showing that he misses me is when he calls me throughout the day. All along, I just thought it was a routine thing to do and never once thought of it as he was thinking about me. It is definitely something that I will appreciate more.
4. Don’t fight into the wee hours of the morning (guilty as charged!). Your emotions are amplified because you are tired and it will be also difficult for either one of you to truly understand each other. If it is bugging you before bed, write all your angry and negative thoughts down in a journal and the next day, find a way of communicating these thoughts in a calm way that both of you will appreciate.
5. Only ask friends for advice, not validation. The only person that truly knows that you are happy in your relationship is you. Ask your friends on their approaches when it comes to certain situations and build off of that.

“Love is patient”. Have patience, a little faith and good listening skills and you will be on your way.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

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