Blinkers are Just a State of Mind

How I feel now after two months since my breakup

Absence of Malice

     Sometimes when I’m driving I come to a weird turn or curve when I’m not sure if it calls for using my blinker or not. It may be that the road by name curves but my path is straight so I use the blinker to exit the main road. When in doubt I usually just use the blinker to be safe, especially if there is another driver at a stop sign waiting to see what I’m going to do. I’m happy to signal to the other driver that I’m not going to be in his way so he can continue his journey. 

     While using a blinker is necessary when driving a car, it isn’t needed or even practical in real life. We all go about our days with a plan we are trying to execute. Get up, go to work, go to food store, go home, watch TV…

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By The Modern Day Fairy Godmother Posted in dating life

Don’t be a creeper…

Some advice for getting back into the dating world

Life of the Perpetually Single

I wish I was lying when I say that the idea for this post came as I sat in a darkened car outside the boutique hotel One Direction were residing in, trying to convince myself that I was not as creepy as the teen girls sitting in the gutter and laden in 1D paraphernalia.

I had an epiphany people. There was a fine line of acceptability and I was pretty sure I had just crossed it.

creeper

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By The Modern Day Fairy Godmother Posted in dating life

We did it!

We finally did it! The Modern Day Fairy Godmother has reached 510 views with an astonishing 29 followers! I am so excited about this success.

Thank you to all of those who have supported this along the way which includes all my readers from Canada, The United States, The United Kingdom, Australia and Argentina. It is amazing how far this blog has gone.

I started this blog because I was an aspiring author who wanted to write about love. I was told that publishers would not prefer my style; hence, I thought the immediacy of a blog would be successful and it was!

Every blog is a new chapter, not just in the story of my life but the story about lessons of love. I’m glad that I was able to share this with you.

As promised, I will be starting my advice column shortly. I will give my email on Friday and I will respond to your emails by every Friday or Saturday of that week. I will not post your stories online in order to respect your privacy. Instead, I will post about the general issues that I dealt with and my advice for them such as infidelity, finding the right person, etc.

Thank you again for contributing to the success of The Modern Day Fairy Godmother.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Roger that: A prank gone wrong

This past weekend has been a crazy one. Before I start explaining why a prank went wrong, let me provide some background history.

I work at a McDonald’s part time in order to help pay for my master’s degree. I work with a lot of high school students; therefore, there aren’t many coworkers who are my age. 

One of the few coworkers that was my age is named Roger. Roger and I became friends while I was still in a relationship with Doug. Roger and Doug went to the same university but only met each other a couple of times through friends. 

Roger lives not that far away from me and would join me on my walks to work. On one of these walks, I smelled something strong on him. Our conversation went as follows:

MDFG: Are you wearing cologne?

R: No, just after shave.

MDFG: (half-jokingly) You do know I have a boyfriend, right?

R: Oh I know. That’s bro code. I wouldn’t go after you, especially if I knew the guy. Anyways, I’m not looking for a relationship.

So it all seemed well as I just thought of Roger as a friend from work. 

The week prior to my breakup with Doug, Roger and I crossed paths at a local A & W and we joined each other for lunch. I thought nothing of it but he confessed one thing: he goes after girls on the rebound since they are easy hookups. At the time, I just shrugged it off as Roger being a typical horny guy. 

Everything changed the day of the breakup.

Doug was a safety net for me. It was now made clear that Roger was trying to pursue me during my relationship with Doug and now that Doug broke up with me, he thought that he had his chance.

I told Roger about the breakup the day that it happened and he seemed to be supportive. The day after, he decided that it was a good idea to ask me to go to Starbucks with him. I declined as I knew that he may have been trying to get me on the rebound. 

A few weeks later, he asked me to watch some movies at his place and fortunately, I didn’t have to make up an excuse as I was working late. 

About a week later, Roger was in the area and we decided to go for a drive. This was the perfect opportunity to establish the fact that the only thing we could ever be was friends. I asked him if he was interested in me and he denied it. I told him that his recent requests seemed like he wanted to be more than friends and he apologized as he said that it wasn’t his intention. I was very blunt and told him that I am not looking for a relationship and even if I was, I only consider him a friend. 

Clear enough for him? Not quite. 

After a while, he started asking me to hang out. In light of our recent conversation, I agreed when I finally had the time as what could be more fun than two friends hanging out?

While we were sipping our lattes and learning a card game that he mastered, we both spoke of the fact that at work, opposite-sex friends are usually seen as being a couple. He added that he had been asked several times at work if we were dating. I found this odd because he used to be interested in one of my friends from work and “girl code” didn’t seem to be in play. We looked at each other and thought we should play a prank by pretending to date. We thought this would be more of a lesson that guys and girls can be just friends. I stated that this was only a prank and that we are just friends. He seemed to understand.

We went into work and we got a lot of buzz as we were fighting over who should pay, showering each other with compliments and pet names as well as wearing his sweater. Yesterday, we were wondering how long this prank should go on for and Roger stated that if by Halloween the buzz didn’t grow, we would tell everyone that it was a prank. While on the phone with him, we were talking about exes in order to get to know each other more. Upon further discussion he confessed something to me: he liked me.

I was taken aback and things were awkward, to say the least. I hate how giving him the benefit of the doubt allowed for him to lie to me. I hate being lied to. I was lied to by own boyfriend and now again by someone I considered to be a friend. I do not take anything at face value anymore. 

Obviously, we decided to stop the prank. 

He asked me if I were to ever see future potential. I asked him if he wanted an honest answer. He told me that he didn’t but it is something that I should think about. I told him that there is nothing to think about. I wasn’t going to give him false hope. 

As mentioned in previous blogs, one would think that I would rebound with Roger. Anything other than friendship with Roger never clicked with me. I am just trying to be independent and contrary to Roger’s philosophy, not an easy hookup. 

Roger and I will have to work together. He apologized for lying to me and hurting me. I accepted his apology as a sign of wanting to move on but I told him that I am not okay with what he did. The most we could ever be now is acquaintances within the workplace. I will have no choice but to be civil as I need to pay my bills but that is a good thing.  Why let someone anger me for the rest of my life?

Moral of the story? Listen to your gut. Hopefully, this will be the last time that I will learn this lesson. 

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

You’re heartbroken. You’re single. Now what?

You know that someone out there is waiting for you. They want to love you as much as you love them. You have no idea who they will be but your heart is stuck in the past. What do you do?

Take time for yourself. Don’t be desperate and distract yourself with people you are romantically/physically/sexually attracted to. This is not an easy road as it gets lonely but it strengthens a relationship that perhaps you have neglected for quite some time: the one you have with yourself.

I’m a classic rebounder. I avoided loneliness by being with guys that I thought were better than my ex. What did that result in? Broken hearts, men who only wanted FWB arrangements and good guys that got away. Trust me: rebounding is not worth it. It leaves you with even more emptiness than with which you started out.

When are you ready to move on? When you are not focused on filling a void in your life. If you don’t revolve your life around theirs (ex. Who they used to be or wondering what they are doing now), it is a good start.

Exes are exes for a reason. I find that every ex contacts me when I have moved on. It is a sign that my life doesn’t need them and if you’re in a similar situation, perhaps this should be an idea that you too can apply.

Moving on shouldn’t be associated with getting another significant other. It is the absence of pain, bitterness or longing associated with your former love. It is about reestablishing who you are and becoming so secure with yourself that a significant other becomes not a necessity but a bonus.

Again, this is not an easy journey but one that I believe will be worthwhile.

Tonight, broccoli soup and jazz music cured my woes. Tomorrow, I’m not sure. All I know is that hope inspires change. Have faith in the unknown: your future.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother