Today, as I was sitting at a table in a library, quietly eating my overpriced cafeteria sandwich, a couple sat beside me. They exchanged a few pecks and all I could think of was the fact that I don’t need to be hearing any lovey-dovey stuff while writing some reports.
Suddenly, things took a turn for the worse. They were fighting about money and that the girl owed the guy a considerable sum. Moreover, this guy was invading her personal space by leaning in, his nose being only a couple of inches away from her face. After imposing this power trip for a considerable amount of time, he decides that he does not want to continue the argument, gives her the money that she owes him and the two of them walk out like nothing ever happened.
Dare I ask myself the question that many are posing?
this pr*ck anyone the right to make someone feel inferior?
The fact of the matter is that in these relationships, when we are the recipients of such atrocious behaviour, it is WE who allow this to happen.
The root of all this evil is low self-esteem from both the controlling person and the controlled person. Since I have been guilty for this crime on both ends more than I would like to admit, I will explain the possible reasons that this occurs.
The controlling person exhibits this behaviour because of insecurity. They want to be in control so that way they can foresee any problems and escape early. They may be afraid to be hurt and don’t want to allow their significant others too much freedom that could lead to another heartbreak. They may want to be assured that who they met is whom they are dating and that no nasty surprises await them. They may not have had the best of luck in the relationship department and must show their competence by unnecessary means of superiority.
On the other hand, the controlled person also exhibits this behaviour because of insecurity. They too may not have had the best of luck in the relationship department and must show their competence by submitting to unnecessary means of inferiority. They may feel that they cannot attract anyone else but this person, or worse, not deem themselves worthy of love. Thus, they will be quick to give in to the demands of their significant others as they do not want to lose them. The insults and demands of their significant others may further this insecurity by making them feel inferior. They may also confuse this emotional abuse with protectiveness: a confusion that occurs too often with people that I have encountered in my life.
We need to ask ourselves: would you rather MAKE someone be with you or have someone WANT to be with you?
If someone betrays you, isn’t it more a reflection of their character than yours? It is not a sign of failure; it is a sign that you rose above the immaturity of the childish games of infidelity and mistrust.
You are a human being with dreams and ambitions. Don’t let anyone stop you from your own happiness, not even the person whom you claim to love.
The Modern Day Fairy Godmother