The Stories We Tell Ourselves

Our self-image is so important

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By The Modern Day Fairy Godmother Posted in dating life

Stop Being Desperate because Valentine’s Day is coming up!

 

 

STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!

And if I haven’t mentioned it already, STOP IT!

You are not going to die because you are single. The end of the world is not near because you are single. Your precious self will not vanish because you are single.

When you are this desperate not to be single, you know what you lose?

  1. Morals and Values
  2. Love for your self

Like any single girl, I’m dreading Valentine’s Day because I wasn’t single last year. However, this will be my 20th Valentine’s Day single and every one of them prior to this one have been incredible as I had the chance to spend time with family. Although I must admit, the extra PDA and early Valentine’s Day propoganda are getting a bit annoying.

I’m proud to say that I have never been desperate for Valentine’s Day. Of course, it got lonely at times but I didn’t go on a quest to have some arm candy for only one night. After all, it is Valentine’s DAY not Valentine’s week, month or year.

Unfortunately, I had to be the victim of such desperation. This past week, a guy from my high school named Zack added me on social media. I knew him from some friends in my circle and hadn’t spoken to him in a while. Most of all, I was surprised at his transformation from shy and dorky to a confident body builder, something that interested me as I have been focused on fitness.

We spoke for a bit and he was quite forward by complimenting me on my looks. I didn’t mind too much but saying that someone in their twenties hasn’t aged when it’s a youthful age to begin with, is an exaggeration. 

I kept asking him simple questions such as how he was but he wasn’t answering any of them and would often go off topic. He was getting vague to the point where I couldn’t comprehend him. He asked me if we should meet up and I asked him if we could exchange numbers.

He asked me to give him my number and he would fit me into his schedule. First of all, I’m to be a priority, not an option but he could have possibly just been cracking a joke. I replied that he should give me his and I would fit him into mine.

His response said it all:

“Are you sure mine will fit?”

Ladies and Gentleman, we have a CERTIFIED DOUCHEBAG on our hands.

Needless to say, we haven’t spoken since. I was going to try online dating as I have been meeting men like Zack at clubs and people like Pete with friends but at this rate, I’m postponing signing up until March. I don’t need to be entering Desperation Nation.

My mother made an important comment when I was younger. She said that she hated Valentine’s Day because everyday should be Valentine’s Day. It is true. If you are going to love someone, show it everyday and not the 45th day of every year. 

In the words of Ricky Martin, don’t be a “desperado underneath [their] window”. Invest that effort of trying to get someone instead in your family and friends. These people will love you unconditionally.

STOP IT! Got it?

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Let’s get serious about getting serious

Dating is not a sport. It may have rules but why do many people seem to treat it like a game? 

At my work, I always hear how many “kills” (people with whom someone has had sex) someone has, how people are leading someone on not knowing if they can commit or my personal favourite, NOT TRYING!

Around a month ago, I met one of Lorenzo’s friends named Pete. Pete is a nice guy and when we were all hanging out, I felt butterflies, something I had not felt since high school. We started talking on social media but he seemed kind of cold. Lorenzo warned me that Pete was an introvert but it seemed like general disinterest. I mentioned it to Pete and he said that he just feels more comfortable talking in person, so we (mostly me) set up a date to hang out.

Unfortunately due to the lovely influenza that winter brings, I had to ask for a raincheck. He was sweet and we arranged something else. Another raincheck was taken as something came up within his family. This would seem more understandable than annoying but hear me out.

Over the holidays, I invited a bunch of friends to grab drinks and decided to invite Pete as well. It was merely an hour before the meeting when I let everyone know that I was on my way. I received a response back from Pete saying that he couldn’t make it because he got called into work and needed the money to save up for a new motorcycle. 

That’s what got me thinking: is this worth the effort?

I started to reflect upon my conversations with him. I realized that he never really made an effort to get to know me as I always messaged him first and the conversations revolved around him and his interests. A relationship needs reciprocity and that was not present.

It seems that his interest was not present either because the last day I contacted him was New Year’s Day and he has not made any effort to contact me since then. I truly have nothing against him as a person but he is not what I need in a partner.

This was the start of finally being able to release myself from anything that does not make me happy. I usually would let things linger on and be stuck in a relationship of which I couldn’t get out because of developed feelings and dependency. Not anymore! There is a zero bullsh*t tolerance for me. If someone is not there for the right reasons, they will be just someone but not “the one”. 

I don’t think that I need to be picky but I need to be reasonable. I am an extrovert and adventurous and need someone who embodies that as well. I need a partner in life and if we do not want the same things, there is no point.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother