Can Casual Dating work for a Serial Monogamist?

Sounds like an intriguing question, doesn’t it?

I have always dated guys with an exclusive view in mind. If I were to go on a date with another guy, I would consider it cheating. Many guys I dated and later with whom I got into relationships had that exclusive view in mind too. However, after my last relationship, I realized what the REAL dating world is like.

My date with Mickey back in November was a disaster because I expected too much from it. We had great chemistry on the dance floor but it turns out that beer goggles blinded me from how bland this guy was.

Since Montreal, I have tried casual dating and I find that it is working for me (shocking right?). I have been talking to three different guys and I find that weaning out guys and finding a front runner works better than putting too much hope into one guy right away. The three guys: Zack, Tony and Harry.

You are all probably wondering: How is Zack a possibility? He wasn’t but he has tried for a fourth time to pick me up and I thought I would explain it here.

I posted a nice picture of myself enjoying dinner and a nice glass of Sangria on Friday night. Since he has been stalking me on social media, he commented that my grin was going to get him in trouble. Feeling clever, I replied that it was pretty criminal. He asked me to text him and I did but only in order to finally set the record straight.

When I messaged him, he didn’t bother to say hello or ask how I was. He asked immediately where I lived and if I drove. I answered his questions hesitantly and then asked him why. He asked me:

Z: “How could we cuddle on my days off?”

Me: “We aren’t”.

Z: “?”

Me: “Look I’ll be honest with you. I don’t know you that well and some of the things that you are saying come off very forward to the point of being uncomfortable”.

Z: “Thanks for letting me know”

Me: “No problem”

Some guys are just stupid and need a reminder that what they are doing is crossing the line.

However, Zack is not stupid, he’s ignorant.

Z: “You free in a couple of days?”

Me: “Sorry, I have a lot of things due”

Z: “Me too, we should alleviate the stress by cuddling”

Me: “No thanks, I’m good :P”

Z: “What will it take?”

Me: “Dude, you barely know me”

Z: “My favourite colour is green though”

Since then, I have blocked him off every single form of social media possible and when I figure out how to do it, will block his number. There is definitely no possibility of friendship  here. He’s a tool.

Now, who’s Tony? Tony is the cutie that I met in Montreal. He is a year younger and was very sweet to me at the clubs by dancing with me and holding my hand. It felt like we were high school sweethearts. Whenever he wasn’t able to talk, he would always explain why and he is not obligated to do so. He promised me that he would message me but he hasn’t done so. I’m giving it a couple more days but if he doesn’t message, I think we will just be friends. After all, I can’t be the busboy of my own love life.

You are all most likely rereading the guys’ names and thinking, “Harry?!?! Didn’t you kick him to the curb?” Well, Harry has made a case for himself. He ended up calling me the next morning and understood where I was coming from. He said that if I was willing to put everything that happened behind us, he still thought I was cute and wanted to get to know me as a person. I was happy that this was the case and agreed.

As I got to know Harry better, I liked him more. He also got a major makeover and that may sound superficial to comment on but when someone feels good about themselves and does something to accentuate their features, it looks amazing!

We still flirt but it is toned down and we are really focusing on getting to know who the other person is.

So, is Harry the front runner? It could be possible if Tony is no longer a competitor.

Here’s hoping that all goes well because there’s a good chance I will be seeing him soon!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

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2 comments on “Can Casual Dating work for a Serial Monogamist?

  1. What an inane entry for such a great title.

    Im a guy, out of 17 years of back to back monogamous relationships. Im doing the same thing your doing now.

    Obviously as a guy, my experience is entirely different from yours. But its working for me all the same.

    I would suggest that you rewrite this to include less about your specific experiences with specific guys and more about why casual dating is working for you.

    Casual dating is working for me because i am compatible in different ways with different people. Girl 1 is sweet i have dates practically out of the 50s and shes a rockstar in bed. Girl 2 is a brilliant medical researcher and despite her low sex drive, shes a great intellectual and i can talk with her for hours about something as inane as farming. Girl 3 is the kind of girl i can call with an outrageously horrific story that would send any other girl screaming running for the hills but she helps me focus and loves me all the same. Girl 5 is a fellow newshound and can spar with me on controversial topics right on my level, despite her bottom quartile figure. Girl 6 is fresh out of an abusive relationship, she satisfies my need to play the white knight but because its just casual i wont be getting roped into her problems too deep.

    The point of all of this is not to brag about the size of my harem. It is that we interact on different levels with different people. The perfect mate may be hard to find but you can peice it together using parts of different people. Best of all, you dont have someone “owning” you so when you feel lime getting drunk at 9 am just because you feel like it theres nobody either wondering why you dont return their calls or lambasting you for being so irresponsible.

    Its important to be honest about your status and that you are keeping things casual because as you say many people consider exclusivity to be the default and theres no reason to hurt anyone.

    • Hi Taylor, thank you for taking the time to read this article. I wrote this artiçle almost three months ago and I just read it over again. I agree with you saying that I should have included more of why casual dating works for me but I wouldn’t write off the article as completely inane. I enjoy telling my personal stories, just as you have shared yours, because I feel like they put my words into action. However, I can see how this seemed more like a diary entry than an informative article. Let me explain. I tried casual dating with monogamy as the end in mind. I like not feeling like I’m missing out on something and would rather pursue someone who really sparks my interest in the end than settle. Casual dating means different things for different people and I’m glad that your version works best for you. I agree that being honest about casual dating is important. I look at it as because in the past, I was forced into exclusivity, I missed out on something great if I had gotten to know them better. It’s not necessarily for me about different compatibility like it is for you but more so finding out who is best for me. Perhaps I should have conveyed this more in my post. Thanks for your input! TMDFG

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