From Moving On to Moved On

When I was cleaning up my room today, I was emptying out my vast collection of purses and noticed something: the final remnant of my last relationship.

It was a coupon from where I built a teddy bear for Doug. It was a brown bear dressed in a Knight’s costume whom he named Ned after Ned Stark in Game of Thrones.

If this were to happen to me eight months ago, I would have broke down into tears that could have filled the Atlantic Ocean five times.

Now, I just smiled, ripped up the coupon and threw it away. It is true that time heals all wounds. Originally, I thought that I couldn’t live my life without Doug because my life was so consumed by him. However, I have gotten so used to my life without him that it would seem strange for who I am now to go through that journey again.

As I was going through my things, I noticed my journal. I opened it up to a random page and saw my desperate wishes for wanting things to work out written on the page.

I had a lump in my throat but it wasn’t from missing him at all. It was from the realization of the chaos that I have been through and how much better my life is now.

I said before, moving on isn’t about finding a significant other. It is the absence of bitterness, hurt and sadness associated with a former love. Today, I can happily say that I embody this concept.

I had to hit rock bottom before getting here and I’m grateful for the success I have had. Just remember that every heartbreak gives a chance to rise from the ashes, not fall back into them.

It gives us all a chance to grow and spring forward. We will renew ourselves, all with time.

Happy Easter everyone!

Sincerely,
The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

A hard realization

Hey everyone,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother has reached its 100th post! Thank you to everyone who has been there during this journey.

It has been almost 8 months since my breakup with Doug. That’s 8 months of growth that I truly needed.

From having some rough times trying to find the guy for me recently, I have taken a hard look at why it hasn’t worked out with people. Usually, one would think that their ex would be the only person for them if it wasn’t working with anyone else. However, I know that this guy wasn’t the one for me for one main reason:

Doug and I forced something that wasn’t there.

It’s strange for me to say but I have realized that it was true. He and I started out as friends but I think that we both wanted a relationship so badly that we took the qualities we admired as friends to be something that was to be admired for a relationship.

Doug and I both wanted the same things from a relationship but did we have anything truly in common? Barely. He was a more outdoorsy guy who was about eating grub while I am a city girl who knows the value of table manners. It seemed great at the beginning because he and I got swept up in being in a relationship that when the initial months settled, it was hard to accept the fact that we were two very different people wanting very different things. Our priorities were polar opposite and our ideals no longer matched.

So, when that fairytale ended, it was like waking up from a vivid dream. It seemed so real but yet, it wasn’t.

Now, I know that I need someone who has enough differences to keep it interesting but enough similarities to be able to relate to me.

It’s fun being The Modern Day Fairy Godmother but it’s annoying to be patient in order to be Cinderella.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Why are we placing time limits on love?

This is an issue that many of my friends and I encounter.

People say to us how we fall in love too quickly, that it takes six months to a year to love someone and that we cannot possibly have serious feelings.

Unfortunately, these people are wrong.

There is no time limit on love. Love is intangible.

I saw this one quote the other day that said “love is a verb”. So if love is a verb, why are we waiting around for it to happen as if it were an object to be attained? You either love someone or you don’t. That’s all there is to it.

There were some guys with whom I fell in love right away and others took a while but one should never negate how someone loves another. Love certainly grows and develops but it doesn’t just randomly appear five months into a relationship. It grows to a point where its intensity is so profound that you have no choice but to realize it. However, if someone wants to describe love from its initiation, LET THEM! It is still love.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Sticking to my guns

As I woke up this morning and got dressed, I looked at the inscription on my tank top:

“J’aime les mauvais garçons”

It translates to “I love bad guys” from French. Then, I had to ask myself, “Do I really?” The answer is simply no; however, it is who I have been attracting and to whom I have been attracted. Why? I believe that my new-found confidence has led to me mistake conceitedness for confidence in many men and this lesson I have learned quite well.

This leads me into my story about Harry. We have decided to no longer be friends.

What happened? A week ago, he called me and we caught up on our lives. He was saying that he was only really focused on exams, which at the time, I was also doing . I expressed my frustration about how I have been trying to find a potential suitor but nothing seemed to be working out. He then asked if he could call me back as he had to message his group about a project. I hoped that he would not interpret my lack of a partner as an invitation.

Unfortunately, he did.

He called me late that night, explaining in great detail of how turned on he was by me. I reinstated that we were just friends and he replied that a guy and a girl can only be friends for so long.

I’m sorry, are we in the second grade? I have MANY guy friends, both heterosexual and gay, and they are awesome people who just work out better as friends than as boyfriends. Harry is going to be 25 years old this summer; the fact that he did not understand this concept astonishes me.

Instead of immediately rejecting him, I invited the conversation. We went over what happened during our date, explaining what went well and what didn’t. There were some misunderstandings but at the end of the day, despite his best attempts, it was clear that he wanted a sexual relationship with no commitment.

I asked him what he liked about me and he was describing very superficial things and had the audacity to attempt to reduce me to being a sex object. Since I never truly disclosed why I did not want a sexual relationship, he just assumed that I was a virgin and insulted me in various ways.

Quite frankly, my sexuality, present or absent, active or passive, is not anyone’s business. It is my decision to disclose it. I am a person where if I want to be intimate with someone, there has to be a strong emotional connection present. Making love seems to be a lost art since many people succumb to lust. Clearly, Harry was not going to be the guy for me.

He tried to cover up his true intentions but I called him out right away and told him that we both knew where we stood. We bid each other goodbye and then, he had the audacity to say to wish my mother a Happy Birthday in a few days.

People wonder how a passionate person like me could stay so calm during that type of conversation. I had no emotional attachment to him because nothing was there as well as I have put myself first in life. He obviously was not the guy for me and I was not about to waste my time.

I was certainly bothered by the amount of disrespect I received but I did not ponder over it long. At the end of the day, self-love comes before anything else and if that person cannot respect my comfort zone, it’s time for them to leave.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

My first goodbye and its aftermath

Hey everyone,

Sorry about the delays with posts. Unfortunately, there will continue to be some delays until after April 13th. Thank you for bearing with me during this time and I assure you that my posts will be entertaining (quality over quantity). In the meantime, I hope that you are enjoying my reblogs and #TipTuesday tips on Twitter.

A lot has happened since my last post. Tony seems to have fallen off the face of the earth. We are never free at the same time. As a result, I think that he and I will develop more of a friendship than anything else.

I have been bold and have given my number out to some guys but I have never heard from them. I still think that I’m an attractive woman but these guys just wanted something pretty at which to look and not something serious.

Then, there’s Harry. What happened with him? Well, it was nothing short of complicated.

Harry and I agreed to meet for coffee. I told him around what time I would be there and I was purposely attempting to be just a couple of minutes late. However, he was ten minutes late and I was freezing while waiting for him. He apologized and we moved on.

He wanted to grab lunch and asked me if I wanted anything. I said no because I wasn’t hungry at all. He joked about how one should eat every couple of hours but I wasn’t going to stuff my face with food if I wasn’t hungry. He grabbed his food and we went into a local McDonald’s.

We had to buy something as he would get in trouble for just eating his food in there. So I decided that I was going to get a sundae. Thinking that he would act like a gentleman on this coffee date, I thought that he would pay for the sundae. He refused to as he said that he would prefer to buy me dinner as it was something of better quality. I understood where he was coming from but I explained that this was cheaper and I’m not a girl who likes a guy to spend a lot of money. He didn’t budge, so I paid.

We sat down and I was excited as we both expressed how we wanted to get to know each other. One problem: he only wanted to talk about himself. When I brought up how he was asking very little about me, he explained that getting to know someone is a process that should not be rushed. I agreed with him but my last boyfriend did not open up to me whatsoever and I didn’t want a repeat. Dialogue has to be reciprocated and it wasn’t the case.

We spoke some more and we looked at each other’s phones, just going through some cool pictures and looking at each other’s playlists. I noticed that he liked a lot of the same music that Doug liked. So that was annoying but what can you do?

He came over to my side and put his arm around me as we watching some funny show on the T.V. It felt so natural until his arm moved downwards towards my butt. I grabbed his hand and he apologized.

It was getting a bit stuffy in there, so we decided to go for a walk. We walked around his campus and he kept making sexual references along the way. Then, we got to one of the engineering buildings, where he and I sat down and did our homework. I was bored out of my mind and thought that this had to be the worst date I had ever been on.

I had to leave to catch a train but didn’t know how to get to the nearest subway. We literally stepped outside of the classroom and he pointed to the streets that would lead to where it was. I was still confused and as he was headed back into the building, I asked him if he was serious. He sighed and  reluctantly came with me.

He was making jokes along the way of if I wanted him to hold my hand to get there safely and I was not having any of it. Then, he stopped me and asked if I thought that it was a date. I replied that I did. His attitude immediately changed.

He explained how he just wanted to hang out since he hadn’t seen me since Montreal and that this could have been a pre-date. He was trying to hold my hand but I let go of it.

We arrived at the station and I could tell that he felt bad. He wanted to make it up to me by going on a “real” date shortly afterwards but our schedules did not line up. We left off saying that we would work it out. He gave me a couple of kisses on the cheek that honestly, made me melt inside. His smooth lips on my cheek gently placed themselves in a way that felt so attentive. Unfortunately, he probably did not feel anything when I gave him a kiss on the cheek because all I got was his thick beard.

I hopped on the subway, wanting to cry, wanting to think, wanting to not be confused.

Thanks to our busy schedules, I had some time away from Harry to just think and I realized that he and I were incompatible. Our priorities were different. During the “date”, he mentioned that he couldn’t settle down and I was looking for a serious relationship. We both acted like players but in truth, my player act was just having my guard up and his wasn’t.

He called me a few days later, asking about when I would want to go on our date and I had to break the bad news to him. He met it with a lot of resistance and became very cold very fast.

I explained how this decision was not an easy one to make. Usually when I have ended things with a guy, it was because of what a best friend had witnessed. To find things out for myself and make that decision independently was new to me but empowering. After all, I did not want to give him half of what someone who loves someone deserves, unlike Juan Pablo from The Bachelor.

I always said since starting this blog that “when in doubt, get out”. Finally, I was following my own advice.

He chastised me for giving him mixed signals. I apologized for that and told him that I was just confused. He then started to mock me by saying how I would probably change my mind the next day and then, insulted me, saying how he would only want to go on a date with me because he was bored. He hung up afterwards.

I always heard that men do not take rejection well but that took it to another level.

This was a guy with whom I still wanted to be friends. After that show of immaturity, I would have been okay if Harry did not want to talk to me.

The first few days were weird. We used to talk all the time and not having that was different. Then, I moved on with my life. I had too many important deadlines to make.

It was almost two weeks later when Harry decided to call. I did not answer at first because I originally thought that he was drunk. I decided to call him back. If he was hammered, I would hang up. If not, I would hear him out.

I called him back and he was trying to sweet talk me, asking me how I was, how school was going and how my family was. I told him that it was odd for him to be calling me since we did not leave on good terms, some of the things he said were rude and that he dropped off the face of the earth. He did one thing that most wouldn’t do.

He owned up and apologized.

He said that I burst his ego and that since he felt put in a corner, he reacted how he did. I understood where he was coming from and accepted his apology. Then, he told me that he wanted to be honest with me. He said that he thought that I was cute and sweet and wanted a second chance.

Most guys I have been interested in in the past (with the exception of Doug) have asked for me back. However, no guy was making the effort like Harry. He asked me to think about it and that he would promise to be more respectful. I told him that my decision still stood and that if it had changed, I would have called him within those two weeks. So, we have decided to be friends.

The important thing here is to be true to yourself. I knew that Harry was not going to make as happy as someone else may have and no one could change that opinion. If Harry and I were ever to date, he would have to work on himself but he has to do it for him, not for me. I’m not saying that I’m perfect but his flaws and my flaws would constantly collide.

Now, Harry seems to be acting weird. At one moment, he will be excited to talk to me and then next avoiding me like the plague. It may be that he is trying to adjust to being only friends but we shall see.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother