As I woke up this morning and got dressed, I looked at the inscription on my tank top:
“J’aime les mauvais garçons”
It translates to “I love bad guys” from French. Then, I had to ask myself, “Do I really?” The answer is simply no; however, it is who I have been attracting and to whom I have been attracted. Why? I believe that my new-found confidence has led to me mistake conceitedness for confidence in many men and this lesson I have learned quite well.
This leads me into my story about Harry. We have decided to no longer be friends.
What happened? A week ago, he called me and we caught up on our lives. He was saying that he was only really focused on exams, which at the time, I was also doing . I expressed my frustration about how I have been trying to find a potential suitor but nothing seemed to be working out. He then asked if he could call me back as he had to message his group about a project. I hoped that he would not interpret my lack of a partner as an invitation.
Unfortunately, he did.
He called me late that night, explaining in great detail of how turned on he was by me. I reinstated that we were just friends and he replied that a guy and a girl can only be friends for so long.
I’m sorry, are we in the second grade? I have MANY guy friends, both heterosexual and gay, and they are awesome people who just work out better as friends than as boyfriends. Harry is going to be 25 years old this summer; the fact that he did not understand this concept astonishes me.
Instead of immediately rejecting him, I invited the conversation. We went over what happened during our date, explaining what went well and what didn’t. There were some misunderstandings but at the end of the day, despite his best attempts, it was clear that he wanted a sexual relationship with no commitment.
I asked him what he liked about me and he was describing very superficial things and had the audacity to attempt to reduce me to being a sex object. Since I never truly disclosed why I did not want a sexual relationship, he just assumed that I was a virgin and insulted me in various ways.
Quite frankly, my sexuality, present or absent, active or passive, is not anyone’s business. It is my decision to disclose it. I am a person where if I want to be intimate with someone, there has to be a strong emotional connection present. Making love seems to be a lost art since many people succumb to lust. Clearly, Harry was not going to be the guy for me.
He tried to cover up his true intentions but I called him out right away and told him that we both knew where we stood. We bid each other goodbye and then, he had the audacity to say to wish my mother a Happy Birthday in a few days.
People wonder how a passionate person like me could stay so calm during that type of conversation. I had no emotional attachment to him because nothing was there as well as I have put myself first in life. He obviously was not the guy for me and I was not about to waste my time.
I was certainly bothered by the amount of disrespect I received but I did not ponder over it long. At the end of the day, self-love comes before anything else and if that person cannot respect my comfort zone, it’s time for them to leave.
The Modern Day Fairy Godmother