Why do people cheat?

Cheaters are never fun and I truly believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. I have been cheated on multiple times in the past and I have friends who have both been cheated on and were cheaters. These are the reasons from my observations over the years (I have added some ones that people have cited to the poll but they are not what has been observed).

Unresolved feelings for their ex. They still keep many (probably too many) momentos from their past relationship and talk about their ex more often than you would like to admit. Face it, you are just a rebound and the go-between during their waiting time to rekindle their fire again.

Too much distance between you and your significant other. You both don’t talk like you used to nor are as affectionate. Feel like you are barely in a relationship? They feel the same way too and are already envoking single-life privileges!

Someone attends to their needs better. This is no fault of your own but the selfishness of your partner. Not ready to have sex? Work is making you take time away from home? If your SO does not respect that, they are going to find someone who can cater to them, regardless of your needs.

Not enough time being single before getting into a relationship. They see a piece of eye candy, a NICE piece of eye candy and cannot help themselves. They want to explore because they did not have much of a chance to before they got into a relationship. Basically, they are eating their cake and having it too (or trying to!)

What do you think people’s reasons are for cheating? Answer by voting in the poll or commenting below!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

 

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Isn’t presence enough?

It’s the middle of wedding season, ladies and gentlemen! That means last minute fittings for wedding dresses, sprucing up bouquets, making sure your banquet hall is perfect and that your vows are something no one will ever forget. Let’s add in nerves on top of all the other things you have to worry about and then, you remember that you have to shop for something: wedding favours.

The most pointless things on the planet.

They are little statues, dinner plates, bottle stoppers or something else that you can buy for cheap. You are providing your guests with an elegant dinner, great entertainment, free alcohol and a club experience (without cover!) but they are still expecting to receive something that they will most likely throw out or sell at a garage sale?

When you are paying for all of this for your guests and your guests decide to give you money in return, I see it as a mutual exchange. Guests are not required to give a gift but most do because they know how much effort the couple has put into their wedding and have gone out of their way to accomodate all of their loved ones.

These wedding favours seem like loot bags at a children’s party.

I have been to some weddings recently and what I have seen done is money donated to a charity or a professional photographer set up for the night and each guest gets an individual, professional shot taken of themselves. These concepts seem more useful and appropriate

What do you think of wedding favours? A nice gesture or unnecessary? Sound off in the comments below!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

What your children are thinking of your second marriage

You are getting remarried. You have either divorced or had your spouse pass away but you have found someone truly special and with whom you want to spend the rest of your life.

If you have children, this decision can bring up many mixed emotions. If your spouse-to-be has a good relationship with them, it is often easier to move into that transition of having a stepparent around. Nevertheless, it’s a change and change can be met positively, negatively, or both, all at once.

My father got married this weekend. We had been planning the wedding for months and it was definitely a change for all of the four kids. My father and stepmother have lived together for the past few years and a marriage was not a big change in lifestyle. It was the matter of ups and downs I had with my stepmother, her changing her last name to mine and of course, just the general concept that I was witnessing my father getting married, something that as a kid, you do not imagine because your parents are already married.

I am very happy for my father because he has truly found his best friend but the wedding brought up both happy and nervous feelings, which many children of parents who get married again do face. Here are some of the emotions and thoughts your children might experience during your second marriage:

1. Happiness. They love you and enjoy seeing you happy with someone you truly care about and cares about you. They are looking forward to a great relationship with a new stepparent.

2. Hope. They are hoping that everything works out between you two as well as hoping that the relationship with the new stepparent is a good one, especially if they have had some rough patches.

3. Doubt. If you are divorced, they are probably thinking that if the first marriage didn’t work out, what will make them think that the second marriage will? They may also think you are a hypocrite for even considering being married again.

4. Anxiety. It is a big change for children to see their parent getting married again and may believe that you are trying to replace the other parent and remove them from their lives. They may also think that your priorities may shift from being a parent to being a newlywed.

5. Uncomfortable. It’s weird seeing a parent get married because they never thought that this would be something that they had to go through. They may also feel like they are betraying the other parent, especially if they are included in your wedding party.

6. Closure. Peace can come with second marriages. Children may finally realize why it didn’t work out between their parents and why it is better with someone else. They may also understand the reasons for why a parent would get married again after the death of a spouse.

It is important to talk to your children about these emotions and to not disregard them as silly, irrational or unimportant. Listening to them, explaining and reassuring them that they are still loved and that the other parent is not being replaced is crucial for a smooth transition.

After all, people have a lot of love to give and just because a child has love for a stepparent, it doesn’t take away from their love for their parents.

Have an experience like this to share? Sound off in the comments below!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

My opinion on who should pay for a date

This is always such a hotly debated issue, if you want to call it an issue at all. Superman and I were talking about it last night and he told me that he saw a segment of how 77% of people believe that in heterosexual couples, a man should pay for the date.

You see statistics. I see bogus.

There is a clear observer bias. If the interviewer was a woman, women are more likely to say that a man should pay, despite feminist perspectives. In a world of capitalism that favours white male privilege, how can we possibly expect a woman to pay? Men are also more likely to say that they should pay, regardless of the gender of the interviewer, because men may not want to offend the female interviewer and seem like a gentleman or may want to look good in front of a male peer. Women may change their response if a male interviewer was present in order not to offend.

I cannot change individuals who hold tightly the tradition of men paying for every date. It is so ingrained into their minds as they have been socialized to do so. However, I am not one for tradition.

This is my general rule for the first date: The person who asks the other for a first date is the one who pays. Simple as that.

After that date, I enjoy taking turns. I have been in both relationships where the person primarily paid and where I primarily paid. I do not like other situations: you either are using or are the one being used. It’s about fairness and I don’t think that someone should be made a bank just because a century old etiquette manual declared it.

What do you think? Sound off in the comments below!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

How to make your relationship work

It seems like an odd title, doesn’t it?

The purpose of The Modern Day Fairy Godmother is so that relationships can work, so why am I posting about this as if it is a single topic? The reason is that I don’t think many people truly know how to make relationships work because they assume who the person with whom they are in a relationship is who they have in their head from the first date.

You can go on a dates for a year and will still not know everything about your significant other. Scary? Not really. You both have not spent a lifetime together and do not know how each other will act or react in certain situations. Superman and I went out for almost four months before getting into a relationship. The primary stage before a relationship is only to establish core values which will carry on for the rest of your lives. The quirks, pet peeves and things that you may never agree about all come LATER.

Why do you think that people who decide to live together or get married have a hard time adjusting the first few months? It is a NEW situation. After all, how were you going to know during a fancy dinner that Bob always puts the toilet paper the wrong way or that Sally loves to pop her pimples first thing in the morning? You don’t and you won’t until you are in that particular situation.

You are going to face challenges. You will butt heads. This doesn’t mean you throw in the towel because it is easy to do so. The most realistic relationship can be perfectly described by my conversation with Superman this past Friday:

M: “You are a pain in the ass”

S: “No, I’m a pain in YOUR ass”

Your significant other can be a pure idiot the worst of times but you still love them. If you know that you love one another, keep fighting and going through challenges…TOGETHER!

Life can be tough and there will be many trials and errors before you find a productive way to solve any issues. Allow the time to achieve that or you will truly miss out on something great.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

By The Modern Day Fairy Godmother Posted in dating life