Breakups are horrible. You may come across a wonderful person with whom it didn’t work out and it was mutual. You may have had to break up with someone because this person was no longer for you and it was really difficult because the feeling was not mutual.
However, the absolute worst thing is when someone breaks up with you and you were not expecting it. You loved them so much, how could they possibly do this to you?
The most important thing in a breakup is honesty. However, this is a concept that is very rarely applied when mindlessly crushing the heart of someone that loved you.
Here are the excuses that are most commonly made and are translated into what they actually mean. If you are the one giving these excuses, you should take a very hard look at yourself and change this behaviour for the new year.
“We have grown apart”– I have not made an effort as much as you have to make this work, I don’t respect how you evolved as a person and I have more important things on my mind.
“I have so many issues that I need to fix by myself”, *you ask why, what they are and if you can help*, “I don’t want to talk about them, you would never understand”-I betrayed you in some shape or form and don’t want to admit it.
“You deserve someone better”-This is my way of admitting that I have treated you so poorly and you probably don’t even know the half of it.
“I love you but I’m not in love with you”-I have fallen in love with someone else.
“I have lost feelings for you”-I now have feelings for someone else [insert name of best friend, ex, co-worker, friend that they said was “just a friend”]
“I’m not as wonderful/amazing/perfect as you”-I have some serious issues and I shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship before I learned to love myself. Yes, I basically dragged you through the mud during these past months/years.
“I’m not ready for a relationship/anything serious/a commitment”-I am not ready for a relationship/anything serious/a commitment with YOU and I want to play the field.
“I don’t love you as much as you love me”-There is probably truth in this but I am using love as a competition and making myself look like a victim so I can escape.
“It’s not you, it’s me”- I am a scumbag and can’t think of anything better to say.
If you have come across one, or ALL of these breakup lines like I have, you just dodged a major bullet and them no longer being in your life will be the best thing that ever happened to you. Don’t make excuses for them, just show them the door and one day, you will open a new door with a smile.
Cheaters are never fun and I truly believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. I have been cheated on multiple times in the past and I have friends who have both been cheated on and were cheaters. These are the reasons from my observations over the years (I have added some ones that people have cited to the poll but they are not what has been observed).
Unresolved feelings for their ex. They still keep many (probably too many) momentos from their past relationship and talk about their ex more often than you would like to admit. Face it, you are just a rebound and the go-between during their waiting time to rekindle their fire again.
Too much distance between you and your significant other. You both don’t talk like you used to nor are as affectionate. Feel like you are barely in a relationship? They feel the same way too and are already envoking single-life privileges!
Someone attends to their needs better. This is no fault of your own but the selfishness of your partner. Not ready to have sex? Work is making you take time away from home? If your SO does not respect that, they are going to find someone who can cater to them, regardless of your needs.
Not enough time being single before getting into a relationship. They see a piece of eye candy, a NICE piece of eye candy and cannot help themselves. They want to explore because they did not have much of a chance to before they got into a relationship. Basically, they are eating their cake and having it too (or trying to!)
What do you think people’s reasons are for cheating? Answer by voting in the poll or commenting below!
In a matter of only two days, we went from 209 followers to 302 followers!!!! THIS IS FANTASTIC! Thank you all for your support because without you, The Modern Day Fairy Godmother wouldn’t have this success.
In celebration of this milestone, I will be adding something new on twitter: #TearUpTearOutThursdays. You may have thought that I was catering only to couples and singles going on dates before but I want this website to cater to EVERYONE. I understand that many summer flings and even long-lasting relationships are ending and it’s difficult. Well, I’m giving you a forum to express that heartbreak.
What do you do?
TEAR UP. Cry about them. Express your frustration, anger, disappointment, hurt and sadness. Let it all out and then
TEAR OUT. I’m serious. Just go on and start tearing them out of your life. Throw their gifts to you in a garbage bag, burn photos, delete their number, just do what you have to do to turn that negativity into positivity.
This is going to be a start of a movement. I wish I had this during my breakups but now, I am giving to others what I wasn’t able to have for a little while: support.
I will be sharing my stories as well, despite the fact that I have long torn those people out of my life. At the end of your tweet, try to write something positive. I will post a tweet soon to give an example. I encourage my fellow followers to even reply to these people and give them that support and encouragement to move forward.
It is indeed late tonight but I couldn’t hold in my thoughts after a friend of mine brought this video to my attention. With laptop at hand and some furious Lady Gaga songs on repeat, I am ready to address this issue.
I have nothing against polygamous nor open relationships and marriages. It’s not my style but whatever works for the individual, works. However, when one makes the devotional and faithful promises involved in a MONOGAMOUS relationship, why create something that ruins the very fabric of it? This is the aim of Ashley Madison.
The founder, Noel Biderman, argues that infidelity is inevitable in every society and that having an affair using Ashley Madison opens communication and is all about honesty. However, all he promotes is dishonesty by promoting the riddance of “Digital Lipstick” which includes erasing any history of any contact on the website and faking receipts. This man is truly pathetic and delusional if he is claiming anything less than this truth.
Dr. Phil, you couldn’t have said this better!
Honestly, if a relationship isn’t working, FIX IT! Don’t go and literally buy yourself a new toy with which to play. If it can’t be fixed, end the relationship and then search for other options, not the other way around. There are many ways to improve a relationship in all its aspects if both parties are willing.
So I haven’t posted a “heartbreak” post in a while and don’t worry, things are going great with the guy with whom I am speaking. I was inspired to write this post by reading an article by Patti Stanger from Millionaire Matchmaker. I love Patti because I usually take a no nonsense approach to things like she does but I had to disagree with her post on signs to tell if someone is cheating. In my opinion, they were very generic. Therefore, as a result of being cheated on multiple times, I thought that I would share my list with you:
Gut instinct. Patti mentioned this in her blog and I agree with her as well. If something is not right, it probably isn’t.
Contact with a past lover or former significant other. This happens way too often. An EX can easily become a NEXT. You should be their future, not a yoyo between their past and what they make of it.
Being invited often to go somewhere with a “friend” and that friend never invites you. There is nothing wrong with your significant other having time with friends, both same sex and opposite sex, but when they are fully excluding you, be aware.
Hanging out in inappropriate places. Do they love the strip clubs or like spending one on one time in a hot tub with a person they found attractive? These can be breeding grounds for infidelity.
Lack of contact, affection or initiative. Sorry folks, they have lost interest.
Lack of attention. Constantly texting when you are trying to talk to them? Not really listening to what you have to say? This could represent a lack of interest or that they have developed interest elsewhere.
They are controlling or constantly on edge. They have something to hide, that’s why and they want to limit your resources of knowledge of figuring that out.
Agree with my list? Disagree? Did I leave something out? Want to share your story? Write a comment!
When I was cleaning up my room today, I was emptying out my vast collection of purses and noticed something: the final remnant of my last relationship.
It was a coupon from where I built a teddy bear for Doug. It was a brown bear dressed in a Knight’s costume whom he named Ned after Ned Stark in Game of Thrones.
If this were to happen to me eight months ago, I would have broke down into tears that could have filled the Atlantic Ocean five times.
Now, I just smiled, ripped up the coupon and threw it away. It is true that time heals all wounds. Originally, I thought that I couldn’t live my life without Doug because my life was so consumed by him. However, I have gotten so used to my life without him that it would seem strange for who I am now to go through that journey again.
As I was going through my things, I noticed my journal. I opened it up to a random page and saw my desperate wishes for wanting things to work out written on the page.
I had a lump in my throat but it wasn’t from missing him at all. It was from the realization of the chaos that I have been through and how much better my life is now.
I said before, moving on isn’t about finding a significant other. It is the absence of bitterness, hurt and sadness associated with a former love. Today, I can happily say that I embody this concept.
I had to hit rock bottom before getting here and I’m grateful for the success I have had. Just remember that every heartbreak gives a chance to rise from the ashes, not fall back into them.
It gives us all a chance to grow and spring forward. We will renew ourselves, all with time.
The Modern Day Fairy Godmother has reached its 100th post! Thank you to everyone who has been there during this journey.
It has been almost 8 months since my breakup with Doug. That’s 8 months of growth that I truly needed.
From having some rough times trying to find the guy for me recently, I have taken a hard look at why it hasn’t worked out with people. Usually, one would think that their ex would be the only person for them if it wasn’t working with anyone else. However, I know that this guy wasn’t the one for me for one main reason:
Doug and I forced something that wasn’t there.
It’s strange for me to say but I have realized that it was true. He and I started out as friends but I think that we both wanted a relationship so badly that we took the qualities we admired as friends to be something that was to be admired for a relationship.
Doug and I both wanted the same things from a relationship but did we have anything truly in common? Barely. He was a more outdoorsy guy who was about eating grub while I am a city girl who knows the value of table manners. It seemed great at the beginning because he and I got swept up in being in a relationship that when the initial months settled, it was hard to accept the fact that we were two very different people wanting very different things. Our priorities were polar opposite and our ideals no longer matched.
So, when that fairytale ended, it was like waking up from a vivid dream. It seemed so real but yet, it wasn’t.
Now, I know that I need someone who has enough differences to keep it interesting but enough similarities to be able to relate to me.
It’s fun being The Modern Day Fairy Godmother but it’s annoying to be patient in order to be Cinderella.
Witness What Happens When A Ghalib Loving Psychologist Who Doubles As A Hindi Kaviyatri And Raconteur Sits Down Over A Cup Of Coffee And Coelho By Her Side To Converse About Art, Love, Faith, Philosophy And The Journey Called Life! You're Invited!