Do Not Expect People to Love You How You Love Yourself

Do Not Expect People to Love You How You Love Yourself

Do not expect people to love you.

I am not saying this to be cold-hearted or cynical.

You just should not expect people to love you in the ways you  should love yourself.

Why not make your love for yourself the greatest love?

It is not an easy journey, this is certain.

It is a journey that goes on every day.

But why  fill a void with someone else when you need to be whole in and of yourself?

It is easier, that’s why.

Although it takes great effort, the result is the reward. Love yourself so deeply that another loving you is not only different but complimentary. 

 

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Both Teacher and Student

Both Teacher and Student

Love was a self-educated concept. 

I grew up in a house that was ruled under an iron fist. The motto was ” Do as I say, not as I do”. I guess they meant well but were they role models for learning about love? Not really.

Everything got framed around a warped definition of unconditional love. The screaming, the derogatory comments, the infidelity, the corporal punishment and the heavy manipulation. Yup, these “mere imperfections” could all be ignored because we all love each other. 

This illogical reasoning allowed me to excuse abusive behaviour from both love interests and relatives. It was only after years of advising others of their own self-respect and self-worth that I had a realization:

I should practice what I preach. 

I got into my 20s, after an extremely emotionally abusive relationship, and I chose to reinvent myself. I soul searched, got into a healthier state of mind and took care of myself, encompassing everything that entailed. 

People called me a bad ass, a bitch, a selfless woman who would only intimidate men. I called it empowerment and that was the truth. 

I don’t let things go too easily, which can be my best quality and my worst fault. However, I don’t accept disrespect, even when my defence is not perfect, but can you blame me? I had to be both student and teacher! 

By learning from myself, I achieved responsibility by owning up to my own mistakes and became my own role model. It is through this imperfect learning process that I take pride in my current success. 

Life’s good but I had to work to make it that way.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother 

What to Do If You’re Single for 2016

What to Do If You’re Single for 2016

Hello everyone,

 

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas/holiday! I have been addressing advice for couples for a while that I thought it would be a nice change to talk about single individuals and give some advice there.

Being single during the holidays can sometimes feel like a prison sentence. You just avoided the mistletoe and questions about when you will get a girlfriend/boyfriend/married. Now, 2016 approaches and you can’t help but see all the couples canoodling. Although there is nothing more you would rather do than make out with the cutie you met at the club an hour ago, it’s probably not the best idea, especially after a recent breakup. Here are some tips to make the end of 2015 and the start of 2016 the best it can be:

  1. Spend time with your family. If they are not too annoying. Sometimes, realizing that there are more important things than a significant other brightens your mood. Also, you are not paying crazy prices for amazing homemade food and a place to sleep.
  2. Have a house party with your friends. Club cover charge? Forget it! Have the fun at home. Order in a pizza, play some board games or drinking games, and dance the night away while counting down until midnight. You will find that you had more fun this way than by doing anything else.
  3. Spend time volunteering for a local charity, such as a soup kitchen. It will be good to realize that there are worse things than being single during the holidays.
  4. Do something fun other than getting sweaty with half-naked people at a club. Go bowling. Gather your friends and go to a pub. Go watch a movie. Whatever you do, delete your ex’s phone number. No one wants a 2016 to start with regrets.

Being single is never a bad thing. Don’t treat it like it is.

Have a wonderful 2016!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Why they are NEVER out of your league

Why they are NEVER out of your league

I have been hearing a lot of people say that “she’s out of my league”, “he’s out of her league”, etc. I remember even in high school, I liked this guy and got bummed about him not liking me back. My (ex-) friend’s excuse? He was out of my league.

I am going to tell you something so extraordinary that it may just blow your mind:

SCREW THE LEAGUE! 

I’m serious. If they can’t embrace the amazing person that is fun, interesting and as nice as yourself, they don’t deserve your time and effort. No one is so almighty that there are limitations on seeing if they are interested in you and if they do think that way, they seriously need a reality check. 

There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you like. However, if you put labels such as leagues around you, you actually, in turn, become less attractive, desirable and unapproachable. Egos don’t help anyone. 

Be confident in yourself and you will attract the right person for you. Superman is my dream man but it was only when I started to truly love myself that I found him. The right person will love you for you because for them, love is not a sport with leagues. Love is for life. 

If it doesn’t work out, don’t blame yourself for something as a bad first date. Learn from it and realize it wasn’t meant to be. 

Sincerely, 

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother 

Media Love vs. True Love

Media Love vs. True Love

It’s no surprise that the media portrays a very unrealistic version of love. However, it is a surprise of how young the media is targeting.

Today, I was doing some notes and working on some networking projects. My stepbrother (8 years old) and my stepsister (11 years old) went through a marathon of shows on family channel. We watched:
Good Luck Charlie
Jessie
ANT Farm
And The Next Step.

Although these shows can be quite funny and adorable at times, they carried messages that did not promote a healthy relationship. Some behaviours included:
making someone jealous to get back together
Putting someone through impossible tests
Liking someone only for their high status
Making people remember minuscule details

If I were a parent, I would boycott these shows. Where is the confidence, the forgiveness, the sincerity and the unconditional love that is needed in healthy relationships and marriages?

No wonder divorce is a common option.

Sincerely,
The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

We have reached 302 followers!

We have reached 302 followers!

Hey everyone,

In a matter of only two days, we went from 209 followers to 302 followers!!!! THIS IS FANTASTIC! Thank you all for your support because without you, The Modern Day Fairy Godmother wouldn’t have this success.

In celebration of this milestone, I will be adding something new on twitter: #TearUpTearOutThursdays. You may have thought that I was catering only to couples and singles going on dates before but I want this website to cater to EVERYONE. I understand that many summer flings and even long-lasting relationships are ending and it’s difficult. Well, I’m giving you a forum to express that heartbreak.

What do you do?

TEAR UP. Cry about them. Express your frustration, anger, disappointment, hurt and sadness. Let it all out and then

TEAR OUT. I’m serious. Just go on and start tearing them out of your life. Throw their gifts to you in a garbage bag, burn photos, delete their number, just do what you have to do to turn that negativity into positivity.

This is going to be a start of a movement. I wish I had this during my breakups but now, I am giving to others what I wasn’t able to have for a little while: support.

I will be sharing my stories as well, despite the fact that I have long torn those people out of my life. At the end of your tweet, try to write something positive. I will post a tweet soon to give an example. I encourage my fellow followers to even reply to these people and give them that support and encouragement to move forward.

We can all make the world a better place.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Trust Yourself

Trust Yourself

Hey everyone,

Sorry about the late blog post. Getting readjusted  to daily routine is not easy after you come back from vacation. My family and I went to Disney World and Santa Maria, Cuba.  It was much needed relaxation and with new inspiration, I return here.

When I went to Cuba, Superman and I had absolutely no contact with one another (no emails, texts, phone calls, instant messages, you name it!). What we decided to do was to do what Ryan Gosling did in The Notebook: write letters to each other everyday. You hear about your grandparents’ love letters and we are so caught up in technology that these letters became a true keepsake.

One thing Superman pointed out to me before my vacation was that he didn’t believe that my trust was 100% there yet and he was right.  In the past, literally the minute I gave my complete trust to someone, there was a breakup and a betrayal. Part of me wanted to shake Superman and just tell him:

“YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TERRIFIED I AM!”

Then, you slowly realize that he is not like the others and more importantly, you have changed as well. I think that the main root of many trust issues is that we don’t trust ourselves. We have gotten duped, wool placed in our eyes, rug pulled out from under us, whatever analogy you want to use and we start to believe that since it has happened to us before, it can happen again. We start to become private investigators of our significant others, overanalyzing everything they do or say and instead of finding love, we are building walls preventing ourselves from that.

You’ve changed, honey. You have gotten stronger. You were so afraid in your last relationships because you needed a relationship and now, you’re so confident, you don’t need one but want one. Do you know how amazing you are? Yes? Then, if that guy or girl doesn’t know it and hurts you or leaves, screw them! They don’t deserve you.

When you get to know someone, you learn their core values and from that, you start to learn what they DEFINITELY would or would not do. From the start, Superman always emphasized his respect for women; so I knew that if something was wrong between him and I, he would tell me right away and face-to-face.

My greatest fear was that since we didn’t contact each other everyday, we would drift apart. However, in my heart of hearts, I knew that he was writing those letters just as I was and was thinking about me. I knew that our connection was so valuable that he wasn’t flirting with other girls and we were thinking about one another. That’s one thing I noticed: if someone tells you about others flirting with them, they are an honest person and are more so slightly uncomfortable than anything else. If they really enjoyed that attention from others, do you think that they would really care to tell you? I think that they would rather bask in that attention and possibly return it as well.

Trust yourself and trust someone who is being totally genuine. Whenever Superman and I have seen one another, he looks me straight in the eyes and tells me that he notices no one else but me. He constantly tells me how fortunate he is to have me in his life and I feel the same way. Therefore, how could I not trust him?

Cuba made us appreciate one another and made us stronger. We trust one another to not take each other for granted and know that any questions can always be asked.

I have never met anyone who has embodied the Love, Communication, Appreciation and Trust principles like Superman does and am I ever glad that I met him!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother