Stop Interfering with Your Child’s Childhood

Hello everyone,

It’s been a long while since I last wrote but I will do my best to post at least once a month or as often as writer’s block will allow me.

You are probably wondering: isn’t the point of parenting to interfere with your child’s upbringing? I submit that it’s not.

I was watching Dr. Phil the other day and he said that “the purpose of parenting is to prepare children for the next stage in life”. This is true but you also have to balance that with allowing your children to enjoy THIS stage of life. I, along with many other children, had an imaginative spirit, which was also met with the often disdained reply:

“Grow up”.

If your child is under the age where they can drive, this is an unnecessary comment. It is comments like these that make adults resent their parents because they didn’t have a childhood. Life is too short not to enjoy it, especially with having a period of life without worry.

I would also argue that it’s important for a child to develop their own judgment of character. If you see that Sally is not being a good friend to your child, only interfere if the behaviour is very serious. By simply saying, “You are not playing with Sally anymore”, your child resents you for a lack of independence and they are deprived from valuable life lessons. Instead, ask your child why they are upset and what they think they could do if someone isn’t nice to them. You can also give examples from when you were younger and that way you are a role model, not ruling with an iron fist but rather with guidance.

This translates into when your child is ready to date. Heartbreak is going to happen and your child is going to get hurt. I never learned anything from anyone telling me that I should break up with my exes. I learned from evaluating those situations and knowing what to look out for. Compared to 5 years ago, I have a better judge of character and that came from experience, not instructions.

Children are meant to live, laugh and grow. Growing is only through learning. Trust the process.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

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How To Get Through A Rough Patch 

Hey everyone! 

It feels so good to be back. I have been busy but I have also been learning. Next weekend will mark Superman and I’s 3rd anniversary. Although we are very happy, we have also had our challenges. 

Rough patches are a matter of growth: either growing together or growing apart. Both are valuable learning experiences but what if you want to get out of one? 

Firstly, in order to succeed as a couple through a rough patch, it takes TWO people to make it work. Otherwise, just end the relationship now. Having one person do all the work is like a seesaw just becoming an upright stick in the sand. 

Secondly, evaluate your self-respect. If you feel like being with this person equates with diminishing your self-worth, you deserve better. Even though relationships are selfless, they must also be selfish. Is this relationship benefitting you mind, body and soul? If it’s not, they are not the person for you. 

Thirdly, assess the underlying interests. Do you think that there is a lack of respect? Are you going through a rough time in your life? Do you feel unappreciated? You can’t beat around the bush with these. By being open and honest, you can achieve mutual understanding and resolution.

Finally, give things both space and time. If you both love one another and are willing to put in the work, success is possible. It won’t happen overnight but it can eventually work. 

As the song goes, “just the two of us. We can make it if we try”. 

Sincerely, 

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother 

How to Tell Your Friend that They Are Being Abused

Hello everyone!

It has been a while but The Modern Day Fairy Godmother is officially 4 years old! Thank you to everyone from around the globe for your support and feedback over the years.

I write a lot from the perspective of being in a relationship because I am in one. However, what if you are one of those fortunate people on the outside looking in? It is no easy feat.

I come from a family who only believes that abuse manifests physically. I do not care what they say: emotional abuse is still abuse. More often than not, emotional abuse appears in the exertion of control. These situations are no longer like the ones on Maury where someone orders the person to call them “master” or bow to them. Instead, it becomes evident in little remarks that may seem harmless at first but then have a cumulative effect. This level of control weaves itself subtly into their lives and when they realize it, it could be too late.

I have been in controlling relationships and I also have been the friend that has had to break it to someone that their significant other’s behaviour wasn’t healthy. Contrary to popular belief, the people who enter controlling relationships are not insecure. They are strong leaders who are admirable in their character and confidence. However, they are ONLY insecure in their love lives.

I have lost a friendship  sisterhood over me being honest about her boyfriend. Although I do miss her at times, I do not regret telling her because I would have been a bad friend if I never did. I cannot guarantee that by you confronting your friend, it will go smoothly. I can only tell you the best possible way to get your message across.

Start when they are not talking about their significant other. This is important. When they are ranting and complaining about them, it is so easy to join in and let them know that they are controlling. Don’t you notice that the minute you say this, they get defensive and act like they are the only ones that are allowed to complain about Mr./Ms. Dead-Wrong? That’s why it is best to let them rant and then tell them your feelings another time. Sometimes, people do not want advice but just a listening ear.

Avoid adjectives and if you need to use them, do not be too blunt. By saying that Mr./Ms. Dead-Wrong is controlling, you are opening yourself up to abrasiveness and conflict. One word I like using is “overprotective” or I even use verbal forms, such as “they like to exert a certain sense of control in their lives”. You allow them to feel like they are in a safe space and are not being condescending or demeaning.

Ask questions and rephrase their words. Listening is key and if you are just yelling at them, you are also being the controlling one. Let them express their feelings to you and then rephrase into a question. For example, if your friend says that their significant other does not accept them for who they are, you can ask “Do you want to be with someone who does not accept you?”

Remind them that it is their decision. They are an adult, you should act like one too.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

 

 

What to Do If You’re Single for 2016

Hello everyone,

 

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas/holiday! I have been addressing advice for couples for a while that I thought it would be a nice change to talk about single individuals and give some advice there.

Being single during the holidays can sometimes feel like a prison sentence. You just avoided the mistletoe and questions about when you will get a girlfriend/boyfriend/married. Now, 2016 approaches and you can’t help but see all the couples canoodling. Although there is nothing more you would rather do than make out with the cutie you met at the club an hour ago, it’s probably not the best idea, especially after a recent breakup. Here are some tips to make the end of 2015 and the start of 2016 the best it can be:

  1. Spend time with your family. If they are not too annoying. Sometimes, realizing that there are more important things than a significant other brightens your mood. Also, you are not paying crazy prices for amazing homemade food and a place to sleep.
  2. Have a house party with your friends. Club cover charge? Forget it! Have the fun at home. Order in a pizza, play some board games or drinking games, and dance the night away while counting down until midnight. You will find that you had more fun this way than by doing anything else.
  3. Spend time volunteering for a local charity, such as a soup kitchen. It will be good to realize that there are worse things than being single during the holidays.
  4. Do something fun other than getting sweaty with half-naked people at a club. Go bowling. Gather your friends and go to a pub. Go watch a movie. Whatever you do, delete your ex’s phone number. No one wants a 2016 to start with regrets.

Being single is never a bad thing. Don’t treat it like it is.

Have a wonderful 2016!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Struggling to find your significant other a gift? Here’s your answer!

So it’s six days until Christmas Day. If you are smart like me, your gift shopping is already done and just needs to be wrapped. If you are like the majority of people reading this and the title caught your eye, you are in a bit of a panic. Don’t worry, there is still time. After all, there are six days left.

I have read dozens of articles about the “Perfect Gift for Him/Her” and have heard the familiar lament of people claiming that men or women are difficult to buy gifts for.

I am about  to tell you something revolutionary to solve this problem.

 

 

Are you ready?

 

 

I am not sure if you are.

 

 

It is going to solve everything…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

THEY ARE NOT DIFFICULT TO BUY FOR!!!!

 

In fact, you are the one who is making it difficult for yourself. It is a matter of being attentive. We give our significant others hints without even knowing it. If you have ever been casually strolling through a mall, there will definitely be one thing they will point out that they like or something that you pointed out that they thought was nice. If you remember that moment, there is an idea.

 

Also, it was probably brought up in conversation. Remember laying down and just talking about childhood experiences or funny things you are a fan of? That’s the perfect inspiration for a gift. Superman remembered that I did ballet as a kid and got me tickets to go see The Nutcracker and I remembered that he never went to see a Leafs game and I got him tickets for a game.

However, you don’t need to be as extravagant as us. Sometimes, getting creative is never a bad thing. Do a scrapbook of favourite memories or a photo album. Knit or paint them something if that’s what you are into. After all, it is the thought that counts.

Hope this helps!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother