Shut Up and Listen

Over the course of the past three years, I have realized that I have written a lot about listening in regards to its importance and value. However, it is very easy to listen when you do not have any need to speak!

A couple of weeks ago, Superman and I got into an argument. We are very strong-minded people, which is why we butt heads more than the average couple in spite of our immense love for one another. That strong-mindedness translates into stubbornness very quickly.

I have been in a relationship with Superman for almost two years and in many ways, I know him very well but in many other ways, I do not. I am learning about him every day: how he communicates, how he deals with tough times, what pushes his buttons and what unexpectedly upsets him. I think it is very easy to take advantage of our significant other. We expect a lot out of them without stopping to think “Am I living up to the same standards?”

As we were having our argument, I just stopped talking and heard him out. I realized that there was a deeper meaning than what he was simply saying. I took a moment and asked him if he felt appreciated. He told me that he did not and I realized then that I should give more credit than I do now.

How would I know that if I did not take the time to just shut up and listen? Truthfully, I would not have. Sometimes life gets so busy that we just expect things to flow rather than appreciating why they flow and what makes them so good. Most arguments are just noise and instead of just hearing yourself speak, consider another perspective.

Become a better listener. Trust me, you will gain the same respect once you give it to others.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

 

Gratitude and Shared Responsibility

Anniversaries are in the air and for me, there are two of them. Superman and I have officially known one another for a year and The Modern Day Fairy Godmother is a little over two years old! Thank you all for your continued support, even though I have not written in a while. There will definitely be  new material on its way!

With anniversaries in mind, it is easy to see that you appreciate someone more as time goes on. They have been there through more life experiences, supported you to be the best you can be and you find more reasons to love them.

However, not every relationship is like this. Resentment is built up over time as the result of responsibilities not being shared such as paying bills and household chores; things start to no longer resemble random acts of kindness but rather become expectations of one another. Expectations lead to taking things for granted when they really should not be.

Gratitude and appreciation is disappearing nowadays. A simple thank you or another form of praise really does go a long way. We expect so much from people that we do not realize the hard work and effort that goes into what they do that makes our lives easier. Divorces happen because of this. How many times do you hear out of a divorced couple that they:

  • are not “heard”?
  • are not “appreciated”?
  • are not “seen”?
  • are not “loved”?

All of these stem from lack of gratitude and appreciation within a relationship. Routine kills relationships. Even though my loving boyfriend would never dream of not making sure that I had a safe ride home in his car, I always ask if it is okay that I can get a drive.This has puzzled him  and he always ask why I bother to ask. I ask because he is not my personal chauffeur. I ask because he is human, works almost 60 hours a week and gets tired. I ask because showing my gratitude, appreciation and most importantly, CONSIDERATION for him shows him how much I truly care about him and all that he does for me.

So if you have a home-cooked meal, a nice dinner paid for, a comfortable drive home, a dusted living room or something that made your life just a bit easier today, say thank you. You do not know how much it will mean to them.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

“Let’s make it official”

Hey everyone!

Sorry about the late posting, it has been very busy over the past two weeks. Posts may be a bit more sparse because I am going back to school but I will try my best to post at least once a week.

Some may have heard the news but if you haven’t: As of August 27th, Superman is now my boyfriend! I am so blessed to take this next step with him. Here is how everything happened:

We went to the CNE and were going on the rides. The first ride was a ferris wheel. I honestly thought that he would ask me then but it didn’t happen. I wasn’t disappointed because I knew that he would ask me at the right time. I had bugged him before about taking the next step and he told me to trust him. So I did just that.

As we were going on other rides and looking at other exhibits, the psychic booth caught my attention. My mother used to never allow me to go when I was a kid, so it drove me to try it out. Superman told me that it wasn’t something of which he was too fond but at only $10, I didn’t see any harm.

I regretted ever going. This psychic had nothing but bad to say about me and even worse, they were all lies about me. She said I lacked focus (false!), have a divorce/separation in my future (an insult considering that I come from a divorced family) and that I have tendencies that belong to a cheater (an utter blasphemy considering how many times I have been cheated on). I met Superman outside and he asked me how it went. He could tell that it had affected me. I saw other women come from these booths distraught as well. NOTE TO READERS: DON’T GO TO THE PSYCHIC BOOTHS AT THE CNE! He told me that nothing she said was true and that I am a woman that defies the odds. It made me feel better.

Superman suggested that we go on the Skyride and head home. We hopped on and he started talking about how amazing our connection is. I thought it was really sweet because we have these talks often and it is nice to know that things are going well. Then, he said it:

“I love you”.

I had no regrets, no hesitations and no nerves. I was just in utter awe and delight when I said it back to him. It was something my heart had been dying to say for about a good month. There was a bit of confusion because he never asked me to be his girlfriend but after a nervous and cute conversation, he asked me to be his “boyfriend, I mean GIRLFRIEND” haha.

Then, he pulled me aside because he wanted to show me something. I noticed that he was wearing an undershirt on the hottest day ever which was abnormal considering that he heats up easily. He removed his shirt to reveal an undershirt that said:

“Let’s Make It Official”.

Jersey Shore may have had the idea first but in no way was it as romantic as how Superman did it.

Has much changed since we have become official? Not really. We are the same committed individuals who wanted this almost four months ago, now just with a title that we have had for over a week. The one thing that a relationship did bring was new opportunities to learn more about one another because we are more involved in each other’s lives.

Superman is a simple yet very complex man all at the same time. Sometimes, he’s very direct and other times, it takes him a bit of time to get his thoughts together. It just shows that he is human and affected by different situations in different ways. When I’m nervous, I like to talk about it; when he’s nervous, he likes to think about it and guess what? IT’S OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT! If we were the same, we would be dating ourselves.

Not only do we get to learn more about how we act in different situations but also more about the core of who we are as individuals. When I met his friends, I immediately understood why they were his friends, something I have never experienced before. They exemplified the same positive energy that he does every single day.

As well, we understand our different means of affection. If it were up to me, I would love to hear him say “I love you” every second of every day because it is so new and different to us. However, Superman was smart enough to point out that there are more ways to show his love for me than just those words. Some examples that I have noted with a secret smile?

Messaging me in the middle of the night telling me how grateful he is to have me in his life.

Sending me a song that describes who I am in order to cheer me up (Check out “I won’t back down” by Tom Petty).

Never knocking any ideas down but realistically pointing out the pros and cons, even when I don’t want to hear the cons.

Staying up late when an unfortunate circumstance has happened.

Asking if he wanted to come to a funeral with me for support.

In this sense, I like to hear “I love you” but actions speak louder than words and well, take a look at these actions! As well, I want him to say it to me when he feels like it and is not forced. It is much more genuine that way.

Like I said before, a relationship is how two people relate to one another throughout life’s circumstances. I believe that what Superman and I have is an amazing start to a beautiful commitment.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Something Different

Hey everyone,

Remember when you were heartbroken, took time for yourself and now your life is nothing but positive? There’s a reason for that!

I never used to believe it when people told me that I would find the right guy when I least expect it and when things were falling into place. Well, I do believe it now!

When you take time for yourself, you learn to appreciate yourself and know that if you do not find the right person right away, it’s nothing personal. You learn to feel good about yourself and know that you have a lot to offer. Why would anyone rather go back into the dating world with nothing less than positivity?

Needless to say, I met an amazing man. Let’s call him Superman because it is an anonymous blog and well, he is the only guy that I told about this blog before getting into a relationship, so he reads it (Hi honey! :P).

My first date with him was the best date I had ever been on. I was incredibly nervous but when we did meet, I felt that because we both knew what we wanted and found it in one another which made for a fun, comfortable and romantic date. I don’t think that it takes an expensive, lavish first date to impress anyone. It is the quality of the  date. Having fun and his romantic gestures won me over.

The best thing that you can do is to give love a chance. I was ready to give up on my search from all the flops I found online but my friends encouraged me to give love another try. That’s when I came across Superman’s photo. He was different from the guys that I was often dating but I thought he was cute so I read into his profile. He had many of the same values and mindset that I had, so I decided to message him. I thought that he may not message me back because I wasn’t having the best of luck but he messaged back right away.

Since then, we keep in contact everyday and we have both cancelled our online subscriptions. We are both exclusive and enjoying it.  He is an amazing man and I truly feel blessed to have found him.

On The Talk a few days ago, a question was raised: “Should love be effortless?”. My opinion is that love does require effort on both parts in order to maintain the commitment and dedication. However, as the result of love being present, that effort won’t feel like effort at all.

It has become evident that Superman and I both put effort into getting to know one another. My mother always made fun of me for saying that one good fight always makes a couple stronger and unfortunately, I got that fight! The good thing was that his calm, serene self balanced my emotional state and we worked things out. Even though it wasn’t in the best circumstances, the point is that establishing early lines of communication is very important, which is part of the LCAT requirements of relationships (Love, Communication, Appreciation and Trust).

Love shouldn’t be a lifejacket. It should be a surfboard in your life when you are already enjoying the ocean.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother