Stop Interfering with Your Child’s Childhood

Hello everyone,

It’s been a long while since I last wrote but I will do my best to post at least once a month or as often as writer’s block will allow me.

You are probably wondering: isn’t the point of parenting to interfere with your child’s upbringing? I submit that it’s not.

I was watching Dr. Phil the other day and he said that “the purpose of parenting is to prepare children for the next stage in life”. This is true but you also have to balance that with allowing your children to enjoy THIS stage of life. I, along with many other children, had an imaginative spirit, which was also met with the often disdained reply:

“Grow up”.

If your child is under the age where they can drive, this is an unnecessary comment. It is comments like these that make adults resent their parents because they didn’t have a childhood. Life is too short not to enjoy it, especially with having a period of life without worry.

I would also argue that it’s important for a child to develop their own judgment of character. If you see that Sally is not being a good friend to your child, only interfere if the behaviour is very serious. By simply saying, “You are not playing with Sally anymore”, your child resents you for a lack of independence and they are deprived from valuable life lessons. Instead, ask your child why they are upset and what they think they could do if someone isn’t nice to them. You can also give examples from when you were younger and that way you are a role model, not ruling with an iron fist but rather with guidance.

This translates into when your child is ready to date. Heartbreak is going to happen and your child is going to get hurt. I never learned anything from anyone telling me that I should break up with my exes. I learned from evaluating those situations and knowing what to look out for. Compared to 5 years ago, I have a better judge of character and that came from experience, not instructions.

Children are meant to live, laugh and grow. Growing is only through learning. Trust the process.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

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Breakup Lines in Translation

Breakups are horrible. You may come across a wonderful person with whom it didn’t work out and it was mutual. You may have had to break up with someone because this person was no longer for you and it was really difficult because the feeling was not mutual.

However, the absolute worst thing is when someone breaks up with you and you were not expecting it. You loved them so much, how could they possibly do this to you?

The most important thing in a breakup is honesty. However, this is a concept that is very rarely applied when mindlessly crushing the heart of someone that loved you.

Here are the excuses that are most commonly made and are translated into what they actually mean. If you are the one giving these excuses, you should take a very hard look at yourself and change this behaviour for the new year.

  1. “We have grown apart”– I have not made an effort as much as you have to make this work, I don’t respect how you evolved as a person and I have more important things on my mind.
  2. “I have so many issues that I need to fix by myself”, *you ask why, what they are and if you can help*, “I don’t want to talk about them, you would never understand”-I betrayed you in some shape or form and don’t want to admit it.
  3. “You deserve someone better”-This is my way of admitting that I have treated you so poorly and you probably don’t even know the half of it.
  4. “I love you but I’m not in love with you”-I have fallen in love with someone else.
  5. “I have lost feelings for you”-I now have feelings for someone else [insert name of best friend, ex, co-worker, friend that they said was “just a friend”]
  6. “I’m not as wonderful/amazing/perfect as you”-I have some serious issues and I shouldn’t have gotten into a relationship before I learned to love myself. Yes, I basically dragged you through the mud during these past months/years.
  7. “I’m not ready for a relationship/anything serious/a commitment”-I am not ready for a relationship/anything serious/a commitment with YOU and I want to play the field.
  8. “I don’t love you as much as you love me”-There is probably truth in this but I am using love as a competition and making myself look like a victim so I can escape.
  9. “It’s not you, it’s me”- I am a scumbag and can’t think of anything better to say.

If you have come across one, or ALL of these breakup lines like I have, you just dodged a major bullet and them no longer being in your life will be the best thing that ever happened to you. Don’t make excuses for them, just show them the door and one day, you will open a new door with a smile.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Relationship Outage

Hey everyone,

The past couple of days, my area has been hit with several power outages that have lasted for a minimum of three hours each.  Meanwhile, I was suffering from a bad cold that took its toll on me. What do these events have in common? It served as the climax for my emotional thoughts about my past relationship.

Since about a couple of weeks ago, I started to think about Doug again. I was changing my sheets and saw that the only clean ones available were the ones that he and I cuddled in, watching Game of Thrones, on our last date. Thinking that I was brave enough to not let that memory haunt me, I used them. I was wrong.

It was the beginning of a memory flood that would last eighteen days. I got caught up in the good memories and I just thought, CRAP, what happened? I knew what happened was that he didn’t know what he wanted but it is still shocking how everything went from dreamy to disastrous. 

I broke down crying last night, just wanting to desperately move on. I just wanted to be okay.

So, I reached out to my friends and it was the best decision that I could have ever made and boy, did I get an ass-whooping!

My friend Michelle claimed that I am still the strong woman that I was back in high school. She advised that I needed to let things naturally happen, which I hadn’t been doing. There were lingering doubts at the start of my relationships with Vince, Drew and Doug. Now, I know that my next relationship has to be one that I feel good about from the start. I’m a hopeless romantic but how can I let romance happen if I am actively trying to pick up guys? I need to be the supervisor of my own lovelife, not the busboy! 

However, my friend Eve said something that really spoke to me:

“You have dealt with a lot of hard situations in your life and ended up just fine”.

Truer words have never been spoken. I have dealt with my parents’ nasty divorce and my grandmother dying from lung cancer. Therefore, I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THIS BREAKUP! 

Just as this epiphany happened, the power came back on.

It’s not the end. It’s only the beginning.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

You’re heartbroken. You’re single. Now what?

You know that someone out there is waiting for you. They want to love you as much as you love them. You have no idea who they will be but your heart is stuck in the past. What do you do?

Take time for yourself. Don’t be desperate and distract yourself with people you are romantically/physically/sexually attracted to. This is not an easy road as it gets lonely but it strengthens a relationship that perhaps you have neglected for quite some time: the one you have with yourself.

I’m a classic rebounder. I avoided loneliness by being with guys that I thought were better than my ex. What did that result in? Broken hearts, men who only wanted FWB arrangements and good guys that got away. Trust me: rebounding is not worth it. It leaves you with even more emptiness than with which you started out.

When are you ready to move on? When you are not focused on filling a void in your life. If you don’t revolve your life around theirs (ex. Who they used to be or wondering what they are doing now), it is a good start.

Exes are exes for a reason. I find that every ex contacts me when I have moved on. It is a sign that my life doesn’t need them and if you’re in a similar situation, perhaps this should be an idea that you too can apply.

Moving on shouldn’t be associated with getting another significant other. It is the absence of pain, bitterness or longing associated with your former love. It is about reestablishing who you are and becoming so secure with yourself that a significant other becomes not a necessity but a bonus.

Again, this is not an easy journey but one that I believe will be worthwhile.

Tonight, broccoli soup and jazz music cured my woes. Tomorrow, I’m not sure. All I know is that hope inspires change. Have faith in the unknown: your future.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

An age old question: can exes be friends?

Hello lovelies!

I know this question gets asked a lot and many of you are divided on this issue. Nevertheless, after years of searching for this answer and living through my own experiences, my stance is that exes cannot be friends.

I used to think that exes can be friends if the breakup was mutual but is it ever truly mutual? We are all different people with different ways of expressing ourselves that love can run deeper in one’s heart than it did another. No one ever loves exactly the same way as another person.

What had me thinking about this issue? About a month ago, I was thinking of burying the hatchet with Vince and becoming the friends that we used to be prior to our relationship. Ironically, he texted me the next day, wishing me a happy birthday. We talked things through and he apologized. Things started looking well, right?

Well, he was once immature and he has proven that he will always be immature. I found that it was always me making efforts to contact him and it seemed like he was avoiding contact with me, even though he initiated it. Whenever we did speak, it was always about his drunk and high misadventures. To top it all off, he always tried playing mind games by insinuating that he had a girl or two in his life. After three years, you would have thought that he would have gotten his act together.

Moral of the story: leopards don’t change their spots. Who your ex was will mark who they always will be.

Sincerely,
The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

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