Are you going to try or are you going to let love die?

I’m serious. It’s as simple as that: try or let love die. We speak often about things just not working out or falling out of love with someone but are they just excuses for allowing a relationship to falter? I believe so.

Sometimes, the worst of breakups happen because problems are festered and not dealt with. It’s that very accumulation that gets in the way of intimacy, growth and strength as a couple; rather it creates distance and resentment that when that accumulation becomes a larger problem than how it started, it is truly unfortunate.

Must we play games? Relationships should not be a game of hide and go seek. Be honest and if you care, work things out. If not, have enough respect for the person to leave and not let them on. Our parents’ and grandparents’ generation was one that was persistent. You can blame that persistence on times of turmoil as the result of war. It could have been a part of it but it was a value that should be carried on regardless of good or bad times. It’s a value that you kept the old car, the house with the leaky roof, the scuffed up shoes and the nagging wife or husband because it meant something special. It may require a little fixing but in no time, everything would be like new.

It’s about investment: long term investment in those that you care about. After all, no one brags about the marriage that lasts only a day.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

 

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For Better and For Worse

“For Better and For Worse” was a common phrase that I heard when I was a child. Whether it was watching my parents’ wedding video, hearing them out of newlyweds as a flowergirl for three weddings or as a title of a briefly aired show that is now only see as comics in a newspaper, for better and for worse was important.

However, I now reflect on the phrase and smile. We look at it as an ideal but is theory really put into practice? If we put so much importance on that phrase that we include it in vows, why are so many divorces happening so often and so quickly?

Here’s why: the Honeymoon Period. It is seriously a trap. I’m not talking about going away after your wedding. I’m talking about being so lovey-dovey in a fantasy land that it completely and overtly avoids reality. It’s about wanting everything to be magically perfect that all fights are avoided and everything builds up volcano-style. What you thought was an eternal flame becomes extinguished. Sounds familiar? Well it sounds like every past relationship for me.

The key is honesty. You may LOVE your significant other but you may not LIKE everything about them. They may chew their nails, be a backseat driver or forget to put the toilet seat down. It may drive you nuts but you still care about them anyway.

The fact of the matter is that you are going to get on each other’s nerves and butt heads at times. It could be them taking out stress at work on you, feel like they are not paying attention or just wanting a bit more help around the house. Don’t ignore the small things: squash them early and become stronger from it.

Superman and I have had our spats and we are not even in a relationship yet. Some may say that spells out trouble. I say that it spells out success. With every spat squashed, we learn more about one another: what we value, what we want and what we care about. At the end of the day, if I can say that I care more about him than any fight (which I do each and every time), I know that our connection is strong enough to conquer everything.

Go through every hardship together and become even more united than before. After all, how can you have an unconditional love when you don’t allow yourself to experience all of the different conditions?

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother