How To Get Through A Rough Patch 

Hey everyone! 

It feels so good to be back. I have been busy but I have also been learning. Next weekend will mark Superman and I’s 3rd anniversary. Although we are very happy, we have also had our challenges. 

Rough patches are a matter of growth: either growing together or growing apart. Both are valuable learning experiences but what if you want to get out of one? 

Firstly, in order to succeed as a couple through a rough patch, it takes TWO people to make it work. Otherwise, just end the relationship now. Having one person do all the work is like a seesaw just becoming an upright stick in the sand. 

Secondly, evaluate your self-respect. If you feel like being with this person equates with diminishing your self-worth, you deserve better. Even though relationships are selfless, they must also be selfish. Is this relationship benefitting you mind, body and soul? If it’s not, they are not the person for you. 

Thirdly, assess the underlying interests. Do you think that there is a lack of respect? Are you going through a rough time in your life? Do you feel unappreciated? You can’t beat around the bush with these. By being open and honest, you can achieve mutual understanding and resolution.

Finally, give things both space and time. If you both love one another and are willing to put in the work, success is possible. It won’t happen overnight but it can eventually work. 

As the song goes, “just the two of us. We can make it if we try”. 

Sincerely, 

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother 

Shut Up and Listen

Over the course of the past three years, I have realized that I have written a lot about listening in regards to its importance and value. However, it is very easy to listen when you do not have any need to speak!

A couple of weeks ago, Superman and I got into an argument. We are very strong-minded people, which is why we butt heads more than the average couple in spite of our immense love for one another. That strong-mindedness translates into stubbornness very quickly.

I have been in a relationship with Superman for almost two years and in many ways, I know him very well but in many other ways, I do not. I am learning about him every day: how he communicates, how he deals with tough times, what pushes his buttons and what unexpectedly upsets him. I think it is very easy to take advantage of our significant other. We expect a lot out of them without stopping to think “Am I living up to the same standards?”

As we were having our argument, I just stopped talking and heard him out. I realized that there was a deeper meaning than what he was simply saying. I took a moment and asked him if he felt appreciated. He told me that he did not and I realized then that I should give more credit than I do now.

How would I know that if I did not take the time to just shut up and listen? Truthfully, I would not have. Sometimes life gets so busy that we just expect things to flow rather than appreciating why they flow and what makes them so good. Most arguments are just noise and instead of just hearing yourself speak, consider another perspective.

Become a better listener. Trust me, you will gain the same respect once you give it to others.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

 

New Understandings into 2015

Hey everyone,

I have officially returned! I really missed sharing my insights with you. I had to be absent because my degree’s program became very time-consuming and I also had to take some time to learn about my own relationship as well as other relationships in order to fully appreciate what I have been writing about for almost two years now.

As aforementioned, communication is key to every successful, healthy and happy relationship. However, it is the WAY that one communicates that determines whether an open dialogue about important topics will run smoothly.

Around the holidays, we are so caught up in our own stresses that we begin to show symptoms of “What about Me?” Syndrome. Our stress, troubles and worries become so consuming that we forget about the needs of our significant other. Although our significant other is there for emotional support, they are NOT your therapist. Relationships are all about reciprocity: if you are not paying attention to their emotional needs, how can you expect them to pay attention to yours?

As well, we live in a society where everything is rushed and has a timeline. Don’t do that to your relationship. You cannot achieve the naturalness of your love for one another and incorporation into one another’s lives if everything is structured and constrained.

If you don’t flow, your relationship won’t go.

Relationships are about how well you relate to one another in the midst of life’s circumstances. Therefore, work WITH one another and not against with one another. Be patient, be kind, be understanding and always ask what your partner needs and inform your partner of what you need out of your relationship.

Truly enjoy one another and your experiences together. Everything else is secondary. Treasure simultaneously your accomplishments as well as your journey ahead.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

“Let’s make it official”

Hey everyone!

Sorry about the late posting, it has been very busy over the past two weeks. Posts may be a bit more sparse because I am going back to school but I will try my best to post at least once a week.

Some may have heard the news but if you haven’t: As of August 27th, Superman is now my boyfriend! I am so blessed to take this next step with him. Here is how everything happened:

We went to the CNE and were going on the rides. The first ride was a ferris wheel. I honestly thought that he would ask me then but it didn’t happen. I wasn’t disappointed because I knew that he would ask me at the right time. I had bugged him before about taking the next step and he told me to trust him. So I did just that.

As we were going on other rides and looking at other exhibits, the psychic booth caught my attention. My mother used to never allow me to go when I was a kid, so it drove me to try it out. Superman told me that it wasn’t something of which he was too fond but at only $10, I didn’t see any harm.

I regretted ever going. This psychic had nothing but bad to say about me and even worse, they were all lies about me. She said I lacked focus (false!), have a divorce/separation in my future (an insult considering that I come from a divorced family) and that I have tendencies that belong to a cheater (an utter blasphemy considering how many times I have been cheated on). I met Superman outside and he asked me how it went. He could tell that it had affected me. I saw other women come from these booths distraught as well. NOTE TO READERS: DON’T GO TO THE PSYCHIC BOOTHS AT THE CNE! He told me that nothing she said was true and that I am a woman that defies the odds. It made me feel better.

Superman suggested that we go on the Skyride and head home. We hopped on and he started talking about how amazing our connection is. I thought it was really sweet because we have these talks often and it is nice to know that things are going well. Then, he said it:

“I love you”.

I had no regrets, no hesitations and no nerves. I was just in utter awe and delight when I said it back to him. It was something my heart had been dying to say for about a good month. There was a bit of confusion because he never asked me to be his girlfriend but after a nervous and cute conversation, he asked me to be his “boyfriend, I mean GIRLFRIEND” haha.

Then, he pulled me aside because he wanted to show me something. I noticed that he was wearing an undershirt on the hottest day ever which was abnormal considering that he heats up easily. He removed his shirt to reveal an undershirt that said:

“Let’s Make It Official”.

Jersey Shore may have had the idea first but in no way was it as romantic as how Superman did it.

Has much changed since we have become official? Not really. We are the same committed individuals who wanted this almost four months ago, now just with a title that we have had for over a week. The one thing that a relationship did bring was new opportunities to learn more about one another because we are more involved in each other’s lives.

Superman is a simple yet very complex man all at the same time. Sometimes, he’s very direct and other times, it takes him a bit of time to get his thoughts together. It just shows that he is human and affected by different situations in different ways. When I’m nervous, I like to talk about it; when he’s nervous, he likes to think about it and guess what? IT’S OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT! If we were the same, we would be dating ourselves.

Not only do we get to learn more about how we act in different situations but also more about the core of who we are as individuals. When I met his friends, I immediately understood why they were his friends, something I have never experienced before. They exemplified the same positive energy that he does every single day.

As well, we understand our different means of affection. If it were up to me, I would love to hear him say “I love you” every second of every day because it is so new and different to us. However, Superman was smart enough to point out that there are more ways to show his love for me than just those words. Some examples that I have noted with a secret smile?

Messaging me in the middle of the night telling me how grateful he is to have me in his life.

Sending me a song that describes who I am in order to cheer me up (Check out “I won’t back down” by Tom Petty).

Never knocking any ideas down but realistically pointing out the pros and cons, even when I don’t want to hear the cons.

Staying up late when an unfortunate circumstance has happened.

Asking if he wanted to come to a funeral with me for support.

In this sense, I like to hear “I love you” but actions speak louder than words and well, take a look at these actions! As well, I want him to say it to me when he feels like it and is not forced. It is much more genuine that way.

Like I said before, a relationship is how two people relate to one another throughout life’s circumstances. I believe that what Superman and I have is an amazing start to a beautiful commitment.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Trust Yourself

Hey everyone,

Sorry about the late blog post. Getting readjusted  to daily routine is not easy after you come back from vacation. My family and I went to Disney World and Santa Maria, Cuba.  It was much needed relaxation and with new inspiration, I return here.

When I went to Cuba, Superman and I had absolutely no contact with one another (no emails, texts, phone calls, instant messages, you name it!). What we decided to do was to do what Ryan Gosling did in The Notebook: write letters to each other everyday. You hear about your grandparents’ love letters and we are so caught up in technology that these letters became a true keepsake.

One thing Superman pointed out to me before my vacation was that he didn’t believe that my trust was 100% there yet and he was right.  In the past, literally the minute I gave my complete trust to someone, there was a breakup and a betrayal. Part of me wanted to shake Superman and just tell him:

“YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TERRIFIED I AM!”

Then, you slowly realize that he is not like the others and more importantly, you have changed as well. I think that the main root of many trust issues is that we don’t trust ourselves. We have gotten duped, wool placed in our eyes, rug pulled out from under us, whatever analogy you want to use and we start to believe that since it has happened to us before, it can happen again. We start to become private investigators of our significant others, overanalyzing everything they do or say and instead of finding love, we are building walls preventing ourselves from that.

You’ve changed, honey. You have gotten stronger. You were so afraid in your last relationships because you needed a relationship and now, you’re so confident, you don’t need one but want one. Do you know how amazing you are? Yes? Then, if that guy or girl doesn’t know it and hurts you or leaves, screw them! They don’t deserve you.

When you get to know someone, you learn their core values and from that, you start to learn what they DEFINITELY would or would not do. From the start, Superman always emphasized his respect for women; so I knew that if something was wrong between him and I, he would tell me right away and face-to-face.

My greatest fear was that since we didn’t contact each other everyday, we would drift apart. However, in my heart of hearts, I knew that he was writing those letters just as I was and was thinking about me. I knew that our connection was so valuable that he wasn’t flirting with other girls and we were thinking about one another. That’s one thing I noticed: if someone tells you about others flirting with them, they are an honest person and are more so slightly uncomfortable than anything else. If they really enjoyed that attention from others, do you think that they would really care to tell you? I think that they would rather bask in that attention and possibly return it as well.

Trust yourself and trust someone who is being totally genuine. Whenever Superman and I have seen one another, he looks me straight in the eyes and tells me that he notices no one else but me. He constantly tells me how fortunate he is to have me in his life and I feel the same way. Therefore, how could I not trust him?

Cuba made us appreciate one another and made us stronger. We trust one another to not take each other for granted and know that any questions can always be asked.

I have never met anyone who has embodied the Love, Communication, Appreciation and Trust principles like Superman does and am I ever glad that I met him!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother