How To Get Through A Rough Patch 

Hey everyone! 

It feels so good to be back. I have been busy but I have also been learning. Next weekend will mark Superman and I’s 3rd anniversary. Although we are very happy, we have also had our challenges. 

Rough patches are a matter of growth: either growing together or growing apart. Both are valuable learning experiences but what if you want to get out of one? 

Firstly, in order to succeed as a couple through a rough patch, it takes TWO people to make it work. Otherwise, just end the relationship now. Having one person do all the work is like a seesaw just becoming an upright stick in the sand. 

Secondly, evaluate your self-respect. If you feel like being with this person equates with diminishing your self-worth, you deserve better. Even though relationships are selfless, they must also be selfish. Is this relationship benefitting you mind, body and soul? If it’s not, they are not the person for you. 

Thirdly, assess the underlying interests. Do you think that there is a lack of respect? Are you going through a rough time in your life? Do you feel unappreciated? You can’t beat around the bush with these. By being open and honest, you can achieve mutual understanding and resolution.

Finally, give things both space and time. If you both love one another and are willing to put in the work, success is possible. It won’t happen overnight but it can eventually work. 

As the song goes, “just the two of us. We can make it if we try”. 

Sincerely, 

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother 

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Why Compatibility Tests Are Unimportant

I still remember the first question to my boyfriend after asking how he was: What are you looking for in a relationship?

This became the most important question because in the three elements he identified, I learned so much about him. We established from the beginning that we had common morals and values. However, as our relationship progressed, I found out that our interests weren’t always the same. In fact, we had more differences than commonalities. He is into rock music, I like dance. He is into horror, I like roller coasters. It was easy for my mind to go back to those teenage magazine quizzes and think that we failed because we do not like the same cookie (or something else that was very minuscule).

I freaked out and asked Superman what we had in common. He said our love for adventure, good stories and adrenaline. I sat back and was in shock that I could have missed this. It truly demonstrated that the minuscule things do not matter and it is so much better to have the most important things in common. If anything, our differences make our story that much more interesting.

So forget having the same favourite moving, song, whatever. If you want all of that, date yourself.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

 

Too busy to care?

I have a confession: I am a workaholic. After all, what sane person is writing a blog at midnight when they want to go for an early morning run?

I have a need to always be productive. I have a 5-year plan. I have daily to-do lists made months in advance. I am always looking for new inspiration, new projects and new opportunities. Sitting on the couch does not sit well with me (pardon the pun). Even going out makes me feel productive because I am putting effort into my family, relationship and friendships.

There is one thing that is not consistent with being a workaholic: I am not too busy to care.

I will never be the mother who is booking appointments over the phone while at her daughter’s dance recital. Fatigue from work may limit me but it does not excuse me from others. Instead of going clubbing after work, I may opt for a romantic night-in and some warm cuddles. Whenever I am with someone I care about, the phone is away. It is not even in my pocket. It is in my purse, on the ground. After all, out of sight, out of mind.

I may casually check it every couple of hours to make sure that no one is dying but other than that, I am not glued to it. There is no reason to be. How can one enjoy every moment in life if they are avoiding it through a screen? More importantly, how can you COMMUNICATE in a relationship when you are not communicating at all?

Put down the phone and have some face time that is not created by Steven Jobs. I have always hated phones at the dinner table. My family will know dinner time around the table. People should not only be the source of a wifi password. The best moments of my life (getting on High School Honour Roll, accepted to Canada’s Top University, asked to be the girlfriend of the best man in the world, conquering anxiety and much more) did not happen via a screen. It happened organically, naturally and spontaneously. That’s how every relationship should be.

True love is never superficial. Take care of it.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Each day is a gift

Superman and I celebrated 6 months a little over a month ago. We went to The Keg for dinner and our server asked if we were celebrating anything. We hesitated and then said we were celebrating a half-anniversary. We ended up getting a free dessert for it (you got to try the Billy Minor Pie. So good!)

Besides the free dessert, 6 months is something worth celebrating. Every day is worth celebrating. So why be embarrassed? One day together is not less legitimate than one year together. The love is still there and it may be a different love in the sense that you know more about one another but it is still love.

Love is a verb. Each day, I decide to give my heart to someone and to treasure them wholeheartedly. That person is the same one everyday for over seven months now (more like almost a year since I had feelings from the start) because I want him to be the love of my life and he makes me very happy.

So, if you want to celebrate one hour, one day, one month, one year or one decade, don’t let anyone stop you. You’re not juvenile for doing it.

After all, the world could use more love in it.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

New Understandings into 2015

Hey everyone,

I have officially returned! I really missed sharing my insights with you. I had to be absent because my degree’s program became very time-consuming and I also had to take some time to learn about my own relationship as well as other relationships in order to fully appreciate what I have been writing about for almost two years now.

As aforementioned, communication is key to every successful, healthy and happy relationship. However, it is the WAY that one communicates that determines whether an open dialogue about important topics will run smoothly.

Around the holidays, we are so caught up in our own stresses that we begin to show symptoms of “What about Me?” Syndrome. Our stress, troubles and worries become so consuming that we forget about the needs of our significant other. Although our significant other is there for emotional support, they are NOT your therapist. Relationships are all about reciprocity: if you are not paying attention to their emotional needs, how can you expect them to pay attention to yours?

As well, we live in a society where everything is rushed and has a timeline. Don’t do that to your relationship. You cannot achieve the naturalness of your love for one another and incorporation into one another’s lives if everything is structured and constrained.

If you don’t flow, your relationship won’t go.

Relationships are about how well you relate to one another in the midst of life’s circumstances. Therefore, work WITH one another and not against with one another. Be patient, be kind, be understanding and always ask what your partner needs and inform your partner of what you need out of your relationship.

Truly enjoy one another and your experiences together. Everything else is secondary. Treasure simultaneously your accomplishments as well as your journey ahead.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother