This is always such a hotly debated issue, if you want to call it an issue at all. Superman and I were talking about it last night and he told me that he saw a segment of how 77% of people believe that in heterosexual couples, a man should pay for the date.
You see statistics. I see bogus.
There is a clear observer bias. If the interviewer was a woman, women are more likely to say that a man should pay, despite feminist perspectives. In a world of capitalism that favours white male privilege, how can we possibly expect a woman to pay? Men are also more likely to say that they should pay, regardless of the gender of the interviewer, because men may not want to offend the female interviewer and seem like a gentleman or may want to look good in front of a male peer. Women may change their response if a male interviewer was present in order not to offend.
I cannot change individuals who hold tightly the tradition of men paying for every date. It is so ingrained into their minds as they have been socialized to do so. However, I am not one for tradition.
This is my general rule for the first date: The person who asks the other for a first date is the one who pays. Simple as that.
After that date, I enjoy taking turns. I have been in both relationships where the person primarily paid and where I primarily paid. I do not like other situations: you either are using or are the one being used. It’s about fairness and I don’t think that someone should be made a bank just because a century old etiquette manual declared it.
What do you think? Sound off in the comments below!
The Modern Day Fairy Godmother
With the separation of Hollywood’s hottest couple, Beyonce and Jay-Z, one begins to wonder if power couples can be successful. Is there a need for only one person to wear the pants in the relationship or as Patti Stanger from Millionaire Matchmaker says, “Let the man have the penis!” ? Or should a relationship be in the form of a Fifty Shades of Grey S & M style where one must be dominant, the other submissive?
No, there really isn’t a need for a relationship to be that way.
Certainly, most rappers have affairs with back up dancers and proclaim worldwide of their escapades with women who cater to their every need. Maybe if Beyonce said “Yes, Sir” a little more often, there would be no chances of infidelity, right? Wrong.
I don’t know how many times I have been told that guys are intimidated by my independence. I have been submissive before to the point where I have lost myself. That’s when I realized:
“Act like a lady? No honey, act like a MAN!”
I don’t mean that in a way where I impose gender roles. This statement is about having a MATURE relationship. If both people within the relationship are mature, they can take care of themselves and don’t require the submission nor dominance of the other but rather the mutual respect and admiration that forms a strong bond. That’s why Superman and I work: we appreciate one another’s ambition but do not depend on it and when we treat one another to a nice surprise or a romantic gesture, it is because we value one another, not because we need to be taken care of.
We are superior, stellar and amazing because we are equal. That’s what separates the boys and girls from the men and women.
The Modern Day Fairy Godmother