Stop Interfering with Your Child’s Childhood

Hello everyone,

It’s been a long while since I last wrote but I will do my best to post at least once a month or as often as writer’s block will allow me.

You are probably wondering: isn’t the point of parenting to interfere with your child’s upbringing? I submit that it’s not.

I was watching Dr. Phil the other day and he said that “the purpose of parenting is to prepare children for the next stage in life”. This is true but you also have to balance that with allowing your children to enjoy THIS stage of life. I, along with many other children, had an imaginative spirit, which was also met with the often disdained reply:

“Grow up”.

If your child is under the age where they can drive, this is an unnecessary comment. It is comments like these that make adults resent their parents because they didn’t have a childhood. Life is too short not to enjoy it, especially with having a period of life without worry.

I would also argue that it’s important for a child to develop their own judgment of character. If you see that Sally is not being a good friend to your child, only interfere if the behaviour is very serious. By simply saying, “You are not playing with Sally anymore”, your child resents you for a lack of independence and they are deprived from valuable life lessons. Instead, ask your child why they are upset and what they think they could do if someone isn’t nice to them. You can also give examples from when you were younger and that way you are a role model, not ruling with an iron fist but rather with guidance.

This translates into when your child is ready to date. Heartbreak is going to happen and your child is going to get hurt. I never learned anything from anyone telling me that I should break up with my exes. I learned from evaluating those situations and knowing what to look out for. Compared to 5 years ago, I have a better judge of character and that came from experience, not instructions.

Children are meant to live, laugh and grow. Growing is only through learning. Trust the process.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

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We have officially reached over 3000 views!

Hey everyone!

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother has officially reached over 3000 views! This is amazing 🙂 Thank you all for your support and kind words. I would like to reach 10,000 views by the end of the year, so we will see what happens.

Wishing you and your loved ones a Happy Valentine’s Day!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Sticking to my guns

As I woke up this morning and got dressed, I looked at the inscription on my tank top:

“J’aime les mauvais garçons”

It translates to “I love bad guys” from French. Then, I had to ask myself, “Do I really?” The answer is simply no; however, it is who I have been attracting and to whom I have been attracted. Why? I believe that my new-found confidence has led to me mistake conceitedness for confidence in many men and this lesson I have learned quite well.

This leads me into my story about Harry. We have decided to no longer be friends.

What happened? A week ago, he called me and we caught up on our lives. He was saying that he was only really focused on exams, which at the time, I was also doing . I expressed my frustration about how I have been trying to find a potential suitor but nothing seemed to be working out. He then asked if he could call me back as he had to message his group about a project. I hoped that he would not interpret my lack of a partner as an invitation.

Unfortunately, he did.

He called me late that night, explaining in great detail of how turned on he was by me. I reinstated that we were just friends and he replied that a guy and a girl can only be friends for so long.

I’m sorry, are we in the second grade? I have MANY guy friends, both heterosexual and gay, and they are awesome people who just work out better as friends than as boyfriends. Harry is going to be 25 years old this summer; the fact that he did not understand this concept astonishes me.

Instead of immediately rejecting him, I invited the conversation. We went over what happened during our date, explaining what went well and what didn’t. There were some misunderstandings but at the end of the day, despite his best attempts, it was clear that he wanted a sexual relationship with no commitment.

I asked him what he liked about me and he was describing very superficial things and had the audacity to attempt to reduce me to being a sex object. Since I never truly disclosed why I did not want a sexual relationship, he just assumed that I was a virgin and insulted me in various ways.

Quite frankly, my sexuality, present or absent, active or passive, is not anyone’s business. It is my decision to disclose it. I am a person where if I want to be intimate with someone, there has to be a strong emotional connection present. Making love seems to be a lost art since many people succumb to lust. Clearly, Harry was not going to be the guy for me.

He tried to cover up his true intentions but I called him out right away and told him that we both knew where we stood. We bid each other goodbye and then, he had the audacity to say to wish my mother a Happy Birthday in a few days.

People wonder how a passionate person like me could stay so calm during that type of conversation. I had no emotional attachment to him because nothing was there as well as I have put myself first in life. He obviously was not the guy for me and I was not about to waste my time.

I was certainly bothered by the amount of disrespect I received but I did not ponder over it long. At the end of the day, self-love comes before anything else and if that person cannot respect my comfort zone, it’s time for them to leave.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

My first goodbye and its aftermath

Hey everyone,

Sorry about the delays with posts. Unfortunately, there will continue to be some delays until after April 13th. Thank you for bearing with me during this time and I assure you that my posts will be entertaining (quality over quantity). In the meantime, I hope that you are enjoying my reblogs and #TipTuesday tips on Twitter.

A lot has happened since my last post. Tony seems to have fallen off the face of the earth. We are never free at the same time. As a result, I think that he and I will develop more of a friendship than anything else.

I have been bold and have given my number out to some guys but I have never heard from them. I still think that I’m an attractive woman but these guys just wanted something pretty at which to look and not something serious.

Then, there’s Harry. What happened with him? Well, it was nothing short of complicated.

Harry and I agreed to meet for coffee. I told him around what time I would be there and I was purposely attempting to be just a couple of minutes late. However, he was ten minutes late and I was freezing while waiting for him. He apologized and we moved on.

He wanted to grab lunch and asked me if I wanted anything. I said no because I wasn’t hungry at all. He joked about how one should eat every couple of hours but I wasn’t going to stuff my face with food if I wasn’t hungry. He grabbed his food and we went into a local McDonald’s.

We had to buy something as he would get in trouble for just eating his food in there. So I decided that I was going to get a sundae. Thinking that he would act like a gentleman on this coffee date, I thought that he would pay for the sundae. He refused to as he said that he would prefer to buy me dinner as it was something of better quality. I understood where he was coming from but I explained that this was cheaper and I’m not a girl who likes a guy to spend a lot of money. He didn’t budge, so I paid.

We sat down and I was excited as we both expressed how we wanted to get to know each other. One problem: he only wanted to talk about himself. When I brought up how he was asking very little about me, he explained that getting to know someone is a process that should not be rushed. I agreed with him but my last boyfriend did not open up to me whatsoever and I didn’t want a repeat. Dialogue has to be reciprocated and it wasn’t the case.

We spoke some more and we looked at each other’s phones, just going through some cool pictures and looking at each other’s playlists. I noticed that he liked a lot of the same music that Doug liked. So that was annoying but what can you do?

He came over to my side and put his arm around me as we watching some funny show on the T.V. It felt so natural until his arm moved downwards towards my butt. I grabbed his hand and he apologized.

It was getting a bit stuffy in there, so we decided to go for a walk. We walked around his campus and he kept making sexual references along the way. Then, we got to one of the engineering buildings, where he and I sat down and did our homework. I was bored out of my mind and thought that this had to be the worst date I had ever been on.

I had to leave to catch a train but didn’t know how to get to the nearest subway. We literally stepped outside of the classroom and he pointed to the streets that would lead to where it was. I was still confused and as he was headed back into the building, I asked him if he was serious. He sighed and  reluctantly came with me.

He was making jokes along the way of if I wanted him to hold my hand to get there safely and I was not having any of it. Then, he stopped me and asked if I thought that it was a date. I replied that I did. His attitude immediately changed.

He explained how he just wanted to hang out since he hadn’t seen me since Montreal and that this could have been a pre-date. He was trying to hold my hand but I let go of it.

We arrived at the station and I could tell that he felt bad. He wanted to make it up to me by going on a “real” date shortly afterwards but our schedules did not line up. We left off saying that we would work it out. He gave me a couple of kisses on the cheek that honestly, made me melt inside. His smooth lips on my cheek gently placed themselves in a way that felt so attentive. Unfortunately, he probably did not feel anything when I gave him a kiss on the cheek because all I got was his thick beard.

I hopped on the subway, wanting to cry, wanting to think, wanting to not be confused.

Thanks to our busy schedules, I had some time away from Harry to just think and I realized that he and I were incompatible. Our priorities were different. During the “date”, he mentioned that he couldn’t settle down and I was looking for a serious relationship. We both acted like players but in truth, my player act was just having my guard up and his wasn’t.

He called me a few days later, asking about when I would want to go on our date and I had to break the bad news to him. He met it with a lot of resistance and became very cold very fast.

I explained how this decision was not an easy one to make. Usually when I have ended things with a guy, it was because of what a best friend had witnessed. To find things out for myself and make that decision independently was new to me but empowering. After all, I did not want to give him half of what someone who loves someone deserves, unlike Juan Pablo from The Bachelor.

I always said since starting this blog that “when in doubt, get out”. Finally, I was following my own advice.

He chastised me for giving him mixed signals. I apologized for that and told him that I was just confused. He then started to mock me by saying how I would probably change my mind the next day and then, insulted me, saying how he would only want to go on a date with me because he was bored. He hung up afterwards.

I always heard that men do not take rejection well but that took it to another level.

This was a guy with whom I still wanted to be friends. After that show of immaturity, I would have been okay if Harry did not want to talk to me.

The first few days were weird. We used to talk all the time and not having that was different. Then, I moved on with my life. I had too many important deadlines to make.

It was almost two weeks later when Harry decided to call. I did not answer at first because I originally thought that he was drunk. I decided to call him back. If he was hammered, I would hang up. If not, I would hear him out.

I called him back and he was trying to sweet talk me, asking me how I was, how school was going and how my family was. I told him that it was odd for him to be calling me since we did not leave on good terms, some of the things he said were rude and that he dropped off the face of the earth. He did one thing that most wouldn’t do.

He owned up and apologized.

He said that I burst his ego and that since he felt put in a corner, he reacted how he did. I understood where he was coming from and accepted his apology. Then, he told me that he wanted to be honest with me. He said that he thought that I was cute and sweet and wanted a second chance.

Most guys I have been interested in in the past (with the exception of Doug) have asked for me back. However, no guy was making the effort like Harry. He asked me to think about it and that he would promise to be more respectful. I told him that my decision still stood and that if it had changed, I would have called him within those two weeks. So, we have decided to be friends.

The important thing here is to be true to yourself. I knew that Harry was not going to make as happy as someone else may have and no one could change that opinion. If Harry and I were ever to date, he would have to work on himself but he has to do it for him, not for me. I’m not saying that I’m perfect but his flaws and my flaws would constantly collide.

Now, Harry seems to be acting weird. At one moment, he will be excited to talk to me and then next avoiding me like the plague. It may be that he is trying to adjust to being only friends but we shall see.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

 

 

Roger that: A prank gone wrong

This past weekend has been a crazy one. Before I start explaining why a prank went wrong, let me provide some background history.

I work at a McDonald’s part time in order to help pay for my master’s degree. I work with a lot of high school students; therefore, there aren’t many coworkers who are my age. 

One of the few coworkers that was my age is named Roger. Roger and I became friends while I was still in a relationship with Doug. Roger and Doug went to the same university but only met each other a couple of times through friends. 

Roger lives not that far away from me and would join me on my walks to work. On one of these walks, I smelled something strong on him. Our conversation went as follows:

MDFG: Are you wearing cologne?

R: No, just after shave.

MDFG: (half-jokingly) You do know I have a boyfriend, right?

R: Oh I know. That’s bro code. I wouldn’t go after you, especially if I knew the guy. Anyways, I’m not looking for a relationship.

So it all seemed well as I just thought of Roger as a friend from work. 

The week prior to my breakup with Doug, Roger and I crossed paths at a local A & W and we joined each other for lunch. I thought nothing of it but he confessed one thing: he goes after girls on the rebound since they are easy hookups. At the time, I just shrugged it off as Roger being a typical horny guy. 

Everything changed the day of the breakup.

Doug was a safety net for me. It was now made clear that Roger was trying to pursue me during my relationship with Doug and now that Doug broke up with me, he thought that he had his chance.

I told Roger about the breakup the day that it happened and he seemed to be supportive. The day after, he decided that it was a good idea to ask me to go to Starbucks with him. I declined as I knew that he may have been trying to get me on the rebound. 

A few weeks later, he asked me to watch some movies at his place and fortunately, I didn’t have to make up an excuse as I was working late. 

About a week later, Roger was in the area and we decided to go for a drive. This was the perfect opportunity to establish the fact that the only thing we could ever be was friends. I asked him if he was interested in me and he denied it. I told him that his recent requests seemed like he wanted to be more than friends and he apologized as he said that it wasn’t his intention. I was very blunt and told him that I am not looking for a relationship and even if I was, I only consider him a friend. 

Clear enough for him? Not quite. 

After a while, he started asking me to hang out. In light of our recent conversation, I agreed when I finally had the time as what could be more fun than two friends hanging out?

While we were sipping our lattes and learning a card game that he mastered, we both spoke of the fact that at work, opposite-sex friends are usually seen as being a couple. He added that he had been asked several times at work if we were dating. I found this odd because he used to be interested in one of my friends from work and “girl code” didn’t seem to be in play. We looked at each other and thought we should play a prank by pretending to date. We thought this would be more of a lesson that guys and girls can be just friends. I stated that this was only a prank and that we are just friends. He seemed to understand.

We went into work and we got a lot of buzz as we were fighting over who should pay, showering each other with compliments and pet names as well as wearing his sweater. Yesterday, we were wondering how long this prank should go on for and Roger stated that if by Halloween the buzz didn’t grow, we would tell everyone that it was a prank. While on the phone with him, we were talking about exes in order to get to know each other more. Upon further discussion he confessed something to me: he liked me.

I was taken aback and things were awkward, to say the least. I hate how giving him the benefit of the doubt allowed for him to lie to me. I hate being lied to. I was lied to by own boyfriend and now again by someone I considered to be a friend. I do not take anything at face value anymore. 

Obviously, we decided to stop the prank. 

He asked me if I were to ever see future potential. I asked him if he wanted an honest answer. He told me that he didn’t but it is something that I should think about. I told him that there is nothing to think about. I wasn’t going to give him false hope. 

As mentioned in previous blogs, one would think that I would rebound with Roger. Anything other than friendship with Roger never clicked with me. I am just trying to be independent and contrary to Roger’s philosophy, not an easy hookup. 

Roger and I will have to work together. He apologized for lying to me and hurting me. I accepted his apology as a sign of wanting to move on but I told him that I am not okay with what he did. The most we could ever be now is acquaintances within the workplace. I will have no choice but to be civil as I need to pay my bills but that is a good thing.  Why let someone anger me for the rest of my life?

Moral of the story? Listen to your gut. Hopefully, this will be the last time that I will learn this lesson. 

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother