For Better and For Worse

“For Better and For Worse” was a common phrase that I heard when I was a child. Whether it was watching my parents’ wedding video, hearing them out of newlyweds as a flowergirl for three weddings or as a title of a briefly aired show that is now only see as comics in a newspaper, for better and for worse was important.

However, I now reflect on the phrase and smile. We look at it as an ideal but is theory really put into practice? If we put so much importance on that phrase that we include it in vows, why are so many divorces happening so often and so quickly?

Here’s why: the Honeymoon Period. It is seriously a trap. I’m not talking about going away after your wedding. I’m talking about being so lovey-dovey in a fantasy land that it completely and overtly avoids reality. It’s about wanting everything to be magically perfect that all fights are avoided and everything builds up volcano-style. What you thought was an eternal flame becomes extinguished. Sounds familiar? Well it sounds like every past relationship for me.

The key is honesty. You may LOVE your significant other but you may not LIKE everything about them. They may chew their nails, be a backseat driver or forget to put the toilet seat down. It may drive you nuts but you still care about them anyway.

The fact of the matter is that you are going to get on each other’s nerves and butt heads at times. It could be them taking out stress at work on you, feel like they are not paying attention or just wanting a bit more help around the house. Don’t ignore the small things: squash them early and become stronger from it.

Superman and I have had our spats and we are not even in a relationship yet. Some may say that spells out trouble. I say that it spells out success. With every spat squashed, we learn more about one another: what we value, what we want and what we care about. At the end of the day, if I can say that I care more about him than any fight (which I do each and every time), I know that our connection is strong enough to conquer everything.

Go through every hardship together and become even more united than before. After all, how can you have an unconditional love when you don’t allow yourself to experience all of the different conditions?

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

A hard realization

Hey everyone,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother has reached its 100th post! Thank you to everyone who has been there during this journey.

It has been almost 8 months since my breakup with Doug. That’s 8 months of growth that I truly needed.

From having some rough times trying to find the guy for me recently, I have taken a hard look at why it hasn’t worked out with people. Usually, one would think that their ex would be the only person for them if it wasn’t working with anyone else. However, I know that this guy wasn’t the one for me for one main reason:

Doug and I forced something that wasn’t there.

It’s strange for me to say but I have realized that it was true. He and I started out as friends but I think that we both wanted a relationship so badly that we took the qualities we admired as friends to be something that was to be admired for a relationship.

Doug and I both wanted the same things from a relationship but did we have anything truly in common? Barely. He was a more outdoorsy guy who was about eating grub while I am a city girl who knows the value of table manners. It seemed great at the beginning because he and I got swept up in being in a relationship that when the initial months settled, it was hard to accept the fact that we were two very different people wanting very different things. Our priorities were polar opposite and our ideals no longer matched.

So, when that fairytale ended, it was like waking up from a vivid dream. It seemed so real but yet, it wasn’t.

Now, I know that I need someone who has enough differences to keep it interesting but enough similarities to be able to relate to me.

It’s fun being The Modern Day Fairy Godmother but it’s annoying to be patient in order to be Cinderella.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

You’re heartbroken. You’re single. Now what?

You know that someone out there is waiting for you. They want to love you as much as you love them. You have no idea who they will be but your heart is stuck in the past. What do you do?

Take time for yourself. Don’t be desperate and distract yourself with people you are romantically/physically/sexually attracted to. This is not an easy road as it gets lonely but it strengthens a relationship that perhaps you have neglected for quite some time: the one you have with yourself.

I’m a classic rebounder. I avoided loneliness by being with guys that I thought were better than my ex. What did that result in? Broken hearts, men who only wanted FWB arrangements and good guys that got away. Trust me: rebounding is not worth it. It leaves you with even more emptiness than with which you started out.

When are you ready to move on? When you are not focused on filling a void in your life. If you don’t revolve your life around theirs (ex. Who they used to be or wondering what they are doing now), it is a good start.

Exes are exes for a reason. I find that every ex contacts me when I have moved on. It is a sign that my life doesn’t need them and if you’re in a similar situation, perhaps this should be an idea that you too can apply.

Moving on shouldn’t be associated with getting another significant other. It is the absence of pain, bitterness or longing associated with your former love. It is about reestablishing who you are and becoming so secure with yourself that a significant other becomes not a necessity but a bonus.

Again, this is not an easy journey but one that I believe will be worthwhile.

Tonight, broccoli soup and jazz music cured my woes. Tomorrow, I’m not sure. All I know is that hope inspires change. Have faith in the unknown: your future.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother