Over the course of the past three years, I have realized that I have written a lot about listening in regards to its importance and value. However, it is very easy to listen when you do not have any need to speak!
A couple of weeks ago, Superman and I got into an argument. We are very strong-minded people, which is why we butt heads more than the average couple in spite of our immense love for one another. That strong-mindedness translates into stubbornness very quickly.
I have been in a relationship with Superman for almost two years and in many ways, I know him very well but in many other ways, I do not. I am learning about him every day: how he communicates, how he deals with tough times, what pushes his buttons and what unexpectedly upsets him. I think it is very easy to take advantage of our significant other. We expect a lot out of them without stopping to think “Am I living up to the same standards?”
As we were having our argument, I just stopped talking and heard him out. I realized that there was a deeper meaning than what he was simply saying. I took a moment and asked him if he felt appreciated. He told me that he did not and I realized then that I should give more credit than I do now.
How would I know that if I did not take the time to just shut up and listen? Truthfully, I would not have. Sometimes life gets so busy that we just expect things to flow rather than appreciating why they flow and what makes them so good. Most arguments are just noise and instead of just hearing yourself speak, consider another perspective.
Become a better listener. Trust me, you will gain the same respect once you give it to others.
The Modern Day Fairy Godmother
This quote has always been inspirational for me. I first saw this quote in an agenda I had in the fourth or fifth grade. I thought it would be nice to start off this post.
I have said before that a relationship takes love, communication, appreciation and trust. This expression embodies communication completely. In a relationship, listening to one another is essential. It develops more than communication; it develops understanding. When we listen to one another, we understand the other person’s concerns, doubts, goals, woes and triumphs. A relationship is not about a title, nor should it ever be. It’s about two people and people are complicated. Therefore, time is needed in order to truly understand someone.
Superman and I are different in how we like to keep in contact. I am more of a traditional phone conversationalist where he likes to send me essays via text. After a long day at work, he likes to wind down and watch sports highlights. The first thing to come to anyone’s mind:
“How can sports or television be more important than talking to you?”
The fact of the matter is that even after talking on the phone and while he is enjoying his “me time”, he still makes an effort to text me. Not one word answers but complete well thought out paragraphs that indicate that he is listening to me but doesn’t want me to hear his groggy voice on the phone. I understand that I am a priority but I am not his only one.
From understanding, you learn to respect the person. If you go into a first date saying to yourself that you will change them, you’re doing it wrong. We are all going to have pet peeves but they are a part of the person. Your significant other may not express his affection and commitment in the same ways that you do and you shouldn’t expect them to. Otherwise, you would be dating yourself.
The Modern Day Fairy Godmother