How To Get Through A Rough Patch 

Hey everyone! 

It feels so good to be back. I have been busy but I have also been learning. Next weekend will mark Superman and I’s 3rd anniversary. Although we are very happy, we have also had our challenges. 

Rough patches are a matter of growth: either growing together or growing apart. Both are valuable learning experiences but what if you want to get out of one? 

Firstly, in order to succeed as a couple through a rough patch, it takes TWO people to make it work. Otherwise, just end the relationship now. Having one person do all the work is like a seesaw just becoming an upright stick in the sand. 

Secondly, evaluate your self-respect. If you feel like being with this person equates with diminishing your self-worth, you deserve better. Even though relationships are selfless, they must also be selfish. Is this relationship benefitting you mind, body and soul? If it’s not, they are not the person for you. 

Thirdly, assess the underlying interests. Do you think that there is a lack of respect? Are you going through a rough time in your life? Do you feel unappreciated? You can’t beat around the bush with these. By being open and honest, you can achieve mutual understanding and resolution.

Finally, give things both space and time. If you both love one another and are willing to put in the work, success is possible. It won’t happen overnight but it can eventually work. 

As the song goes, “just the two of us. We can make it if we try”. 

Sincerely, 

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother 

Why Understanding is More Important than Agreeing

Hello everyone!

 

It has been a while since I have written and I have missed it. Has anyone else experienced the start of 2016 as nothing but go-go-go? I know I have!

I was just reflecting on the past year and speaking with my grandmother about relationships. I remembered an argument my boyfriend and I had at Subway just a few days after Christmas. I couldn’t remember what it was about, which means it probably wasn’t worth arguing over. I remember just telling him that I wasn’t a fan of something but I understood where he was coming from. He thanked me and asked me if it was so difficult for me to understand rather than creating a huge argument over something so petty?

Nowadays, we emphasize compromise in our relationships but remember to compromise and not sacrifice. It’s perfectly okay not to agree. After all, you are different people and if you were the same, you would be dating yourself.

You are going to hear opinions that will challenge your way of thinking and doing things. It’s inevitable. What matters most is that if the topic is particularly sensitive to person with whom you are speaking, it is important to empathize and show understanding. You may not agree with the actions they wish to take but if you agree with their perspective and the goodness of their intentions, understanding is crucial to building the RELATION part of your relationship. It’s not about debating; it’s about listening and giving your attention to the person.

My grandmother is going to be 70 years old next month and has been married for 54 years. She told me that in every marriage, it shouldn’t be 50-50, a man should have 51%, as the result of more financial responsibility, and a woman should have 49%. Although I strongly disagree with this theory, I understand the principle behind it as she explained further: don’t let pride nor anger get in the way of love. In this way, I revise my grandmother’s outdated and traditional theory: it should be 49-49 as there’s is going to be give and take and someone is going to use that extra 1 or 2% at times.

My grandmother says that there are five elements to a good relationship and marriage:

Patience

Cooperation

Trust

Loyalty

and Love.

Those things will never be outdated.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

 

Relationship Myths: What to Keep and What to Ignore

It’s spring, even though it does not feel like it yet. This is the perfect time to fall in love. You avoid those desperate fools looking for a valentine or a New Year’s kiss at midnight. However, being recently single or deciding that it is time can be complicated. Friends and family put so much advice in your way that you may not know which to follow or which to ignore. Here is my list of common myths and whether you should keep them or ignore them:

DO NOT KISS ON A FIRST DATEKeep!

On a first date, you are still getting to know one another and nerves at an ultimate high. Leave them with wanting a little more.

WAIT THREE DAYS AFTER THE FIRST DATE TO MESSAGE THEM-Ignore!

If you are interested, message them that night. People like hearing that you enjoyed the date and want to get to know them better. You will give them a smile going from ear to ear.

THE GUY SHOULD ALWAYS PAYIgnore!

The person who asked someone on a first date should pay for the first date. Otherwise, take turns! Get on that #genderequality

COFFEE DATES ARE IDEAL FIRST DATES-Keep!

They allow you to talk and get to know one another while drinking something warm. If the date is going well, you will find that this person is as warm, if not warmer, than your coffee.

MOVIE DATES MAKE THE BEST FIRST DATES-Ignore

Staring at a screen while awkwardly sitting in seats separated by a bag of popcorn? No, thank you.

DISTANCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER-Keep!

Missing someone brings both of you together. It means that you do not take their presence for granted.

IF THE FIRST KISS DOESN’T GO EXACTLY AS IMAGINED, IT WASN’T MEANT TO BE-Ignore!

Calm your hormones! You are getting used to each other’s different kissing styles. As long as the attraction is there, don’t sweat the head-butts or the in-coordination of your tongues.

YOU SHOULD GET MARRIED BY 25-Ignore!

For most people, life is just getting started at 25 years old. Marry whenever you want.

AVOID ARGUMENTS-Ignore!

If it needs to be said, talk about it! It’s all about communication

NEVER STOP MAKING THAT PERSON FEEL LOVED EVERYDAY-Keep!

Show that person love everyday and you will see happiness for the rest of your life.

Make dating fun. Break the rules and create your own.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

New Understandings into 2015

Hey everyone,

I have officially returned! I really missed sharing my insights with you. I had to be absent because my degree’s program became very time-consuming and I also had to take some time to learn about my own relationship as well as other relationships in order to fully appreciate what I have been writing about for almost two years now.

As aforementioned, communication is key to every successful, healthy and happy relationship. However, it is the WAY that one communicates that determines whether an open dialogue about important topics will run smoothly.

Around the holidays, we are so caught up in our own stresses that we begin to show symptoms of “What about Me?” Syndrome. Our stress, troubles and worries become so consuming that we forget about the needs of our significant other. Although our significant other is there for emotional support, they are NOT your therapist. Relationships are all about reciprocity: if you are not paying attention to their emotional needs, how can you expect them to pay attention to yours?

As well, we live in a society where everything is rushed and has a timeline. Don’t do that to your relationship. You cannot achieve the naturalness of your love for one another and incorporation into one another’s lives if everything is structured and constrained.

If you don’t flow, your relationship won’t go.

Relationships are about how well you relate to one another in the midst of life’s circumstances. Therefore, work WITH one another and not against with one another. Be patient, be kind, be understanding and always ask what your partner needs and inform your partner of what you need out of your relationship.

Truly enjoy one another and your experiences together. Everything else is secondary. Treasure simultaneously your accomplishments as well as your journey ahead.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Overnight success

Hey everyone,

I am proud to announce that in a matter of 24 hours, we reached 449 followers! WOW! I am so grateful that each and every one of you has supported me in my vision.

So close to 1000 followers and the next time I update on this blog, it will be for that milestone.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you and I  look forward to even more success with The Modern Day Fairy Godmother.

Sincerely,

TMDFG