Why Therapy and Vacations Don’t Work If You Don’t

Stress. It can get the best of us, especially during the horrible weather that we are having. It is easy for us to think about getting away and going on vacation. Does it really fix things permanently?

No relationship is ever perfect. When problems arise, it is easy to go to therapy or go on a vacation in order to get away from distractions, focus on the issues at hand and get a different perspective on things. There is nothing wrong with this strategy but it all depends on the couple’s approach.

Therapy sessions and vacations take us away from the real world. However, it can be a place for empty promises and short-lived bliss if two people are not willing to put in the work established to be completed during time away. You need to create guidelines for circumstances that come up. There will be bumps in the road but if there is no application from the resolutions you both create, it is a mere waste of time.

It is a matter of breaking the cycle of behaviour. Time away from obligations and stress is helpful for understanding why the cycle began in the first place. However, only two people who are willing to work at things will make anything beneficial a success.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Self-Realizations

I have had many people say to me before I was in my current relationship that when you are in a relationship, you learn more about yourself. I never believed it until now and I feel like it is when you have an argument with your significant other that this type of learning takes place.

One would think that they would learn more about the other person when this happens such as what you can or cannot tolerate as well as how the other person handles certain situations. However, it is the very notion of disagreeing, feeling hurt and being upset that you realize how YOU are acting, what YOUR needs are and if this is beneficial to the both of you.

Recently, I have realized that I am emotionally impulsive. It wasn’t always this way but with being forced to bottle up many emotions as a kid, now it can be a loose cannon. I can have a hard time letting things slide or giving people the benefit of the doubt because I fear being duped like I have been in the past. What I am starting to realize is that my past is not my present nor future; otherwise, they would have been called the same thing.

Being emotionally impulsive has its perks though. I am the type of friend that would stay up all night with you despite having a very important job interview in the morning because you need me to lend a shoulder to cry on. It also means that I am very expressive and enjoy showing my delight and excitement in something.

I love Superman. In 8 days, we will have known each other for two years and it is pretty incredible. Nevertheless, I have come to the slow realization that he is not me and he is not emotionally impulsive. This can present its challenges because he is not one to be on the phone late at night unless it is a dire emergency and likes to think things through. We bump heads because when he advises me to sleep on it, I would rather him say that [insert name here] is a fucking turd and that he will be right there to share in my BIT over exaggerated anger in that moment. Actually, he is quite the opposite: Superman is rationally impulsive. He’s a quick decision maker and sometimes I need a bit of a longer time before deciding but hey, if we were the same person, I would be dating myself.

When you learn about yourself, you learn about how to work with one another’s strengths and weaknesses. He is learning to be more emotionally attentive and I am slowly learning to take a deep breath before reacting to some undesirable news (I guess I can yell if he throws all my shoes in the garbage one day, right?).

No one is perfect. Don’t pretend to be.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

When You Know You’re Serious, It’s Not Too Serious

I have known that since day one that my relationship with Superman was serious. He took a while to ask me to be his girlfriend because he said that he dates in order to end in marriage and we have been together for almost two years, so it’s no secret that we see a future being married to one another.

We were both looking for a serious relationship and that’s what we received. However, it didn’t really settle in for me until after he sat down with my dad, my stepmother and my stepsiblings. Superman met most of my family but I felt there was something missing with him not meeting my dad’s side of the family. After that happened, I just fell more in love with him.

It was only when Superman pointed it out that I realized that I was speaking a lot about marriage since then. I was at first worried that I was scaring him but he said that he thought that it was cute. The only thing he recommended is for me to be patient in order for our lives to perfectly align, such as advancing his career and starting mine.

I called my grandmother today and she gave me heck that I had not introduced Superman to her yet. I told her that I promise I will in time. We spoke about my postgraduate plans and my career. Her instinctual response was “soon enough, you will finish school, start working full time and get married”. For some people, comments like those would freak them out. I just met it with a smile.

That’s why I say that when you know you’re serious with someone, it’s not a serious, scary ordeal. It’s inevitable and that’s when you know that you have found the one.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Why Understanding is More Important than Agreeing

Hello everyone!

 

It has been a while since I have written and I have missed it. Has anyone else experienced the start of 2016 as nothing but go-go-go? I know I have!

I was just reflecting on the past year and speaking with my grandmother about relationships. I remembered an argument my boyfriend and I had at Subway just a few days after Christmas. I couldn’t remember what it was about, which means it probably wasn’t worth arguing over. I remember just telling him that I wasn’t a fan of something but I understood where he was coming from. He thanked me and asked me if it was so difficult for me to understand rather than creating a huge argument over something so petty?

Nowadays, we emphasize compromise in our relationships but remember to compromise and not sacrifice. It’s perfectly okay not to agree. After all, you are different people and if you were the same, you would be dating yourself.

You are going to hear opinions that will challenge your way of thinking and doing things. It’s inevitable. What matters most is that if the topic is particularly sensitive to person with whom you are speaking, it is important to empathize and show understanding. You may not agree with the actions they wish to take but if you agree with their perspective and the goodness of their intentions, understanding is crucial to building the RELATION part of your relationship. It’s not about debating; it’s about listening and giving your attention to the person.

My grandmother is going to be 70 years old next month and has been married for 54 years. She told me that in every marriage, it shouldn’t be 50-50, a man should have 51%, as the result of more financial responsibility, and a woman should have 49%. Although I strongly disagree with this theory, I understand the principle behind it as she explained further: don’t let pride nor anger get in the way of love. In this way, I revise my grandmother’s outdated and traditional theory: it should be 49-49 as there’s is going to be give and take and someone is going to use that extra 1 or 2% at times.

My grandmother says that there are five elements to a good relationship and marriage:

Patience

Cooperation

Trust

Loyalty

and Love.

Those things will never be outdated.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

 

Struggling to find your significant other a gift? Here’s your answer!

So it’s six days until Christmas Day. If you are smart like me, your gift shopping is already done and just needs to be wrapped. If you are like the majority of people reading this and the title caught your eye, you are in a bit of a panic. Don’t worry, there is still time. After all, there are six days left.

I have read dozens of articles about the “Perfect Gift for Him/Her” and have heard the familiar lament of people claiming that men or women are difficult to buy gifts for.

I am about  to tell you something revolutionary to solve this problem.

 

 

Are you ready?

 

 

I am not sure if you are.

 

 

It is going to solve everything…..

 

 

 

 

 

 

THEY ARE NOT DIFFICULT TO BUY FOR!!!!

 

In fact, you are the one who is making it difficult for yourself. It is a matter of being attentive. We give our significant others hints without even knowing it. If you have ever been casually strolling through a mall, there will definitely be one thing they will point out that they like or something that you pointed out that they thought was nice. If you remember that moment, there is an idea.

 

Also, it was probably brought up in conversation. Remember laying down and just talking about childhood experiences or funny things you are a fan of? That’s the perfect inspiration for a gift. Superman remembered that I did ballet as a kid and got me tickets to go see The Nutcracker and I remembered that he never went to see a Leafs game and I got him tickets for a game.

However, you don’t need to be as extravagant as us. Sometimes, getting creative is never a bad thing. Do a scrapbook of favourite memories or a photo album. Knit or paint them something if that’s what you are into. After all, it is the thought that counts.

Hope this helps!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother