How To Get Through A Rough Patch 

How To Get Through A Rough Patch 

Hey everyone! 

It feels so good to be back. I have been busy but I have also been learning. Next weekend will mark Superman and I’s 3rd anniversary. Although we are very happy, we have also had our challenges. 

Rough patches are a matter of growth: either growing together or growing apart. Both are valuable learning experiences but what if you want to get out of one? 

Firstly, in order to succeed as a couple through a rough patch, it takes TWO people to make it work. Otherwise, just end the relationship now. Having one person do all the work is like a seesaw just becoming an upright stick in the sand. 

Secondly, evaluate your self-respect. If you feel like being with this person equates with diminishing your self-worth, you deserve better. Even though relationships are selfless, they must also be selfish. Is this relationship benefitting you mind, body and soul? If it’s not, they are not the person for you. 

Thirdly, assess the underlying interests. Do you think that there is a lack of respect? Are you going through a rough time in your life? Do you feel unappreciated? You can’t beat around the bush with these. By being open and honest, you can achieve mutual understanding and resolution.

Finally, give things both space and time. If you both love one another and are willing to put in the work, success is possible. It won’t happen overnight but it can eventually work. 

As the song goes, “just the two of us. We can make it if we try”. 

Sincerely, 

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother 

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Do Not Expect People to Love You How You Love Yourself

Do Not Expect People to Love You How You Love Yourself

Do not expect people to love you.

I am not saying this to be cold-hearted or cynical.

You just should not expect people to love you in the ways you  should love yourself.

Why not make your love for yourself the greatest love?

It is not an easy journey, this is certain.

It is a journey that goes on every day.

But why  fill a void with someone else when you need to be whole in and of yourself?

It is easier, that’s why.

Although it takes great effort, the result is the reward. Love yourself so deeply that another loving you is not only different but complimentary. 

 

Both Teacher and Student

Both Teacher and Student

Love was a self-educated concept. 

I grew up in a house that was ruled under an iron fist. The motto was ” Do as I say, not as I do”. I guess they meant well but were they role models for learning about love? Not really.

Everything got framed around a warped definition of unconditional love. The screaming, the derogatory comments, the infidelity, the corporal punishment and the heavy manipulation. Yup, these “mere imperfections” could all be ignored because we all love each other. 

This illogical reasoning allowed me to excuse abusive behaviour from both love interests and relatives. It was only after years of advising others of their own self-respect and self-worth that I had a realization:

I should practice what I preach. 

I got into my 20s, after an extremely emotionally abusive relationship, and I chose to reinvent myself. I soul searched, got into a healthier state of mind and took care of myself, encompassing everything that entailed. 

People called me a bad ass, a bitch, a selfless woman who would only intimidate men. I called it empowerment and that was the truth. 

I don’t let things go too easily, which can be my best quality and my worst fault. However, I don’t accept disrespect, even when my defence is not perfect, but can you blame me? I had to be both student and teacher! 

By learning from myself, I achieved responsibility by owning up to my own mistakes and became my own role model. It is through this imperfect learning process that I take pride in my current success. 

Life’s good but I had to work to make it that way.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother 

Why they are NEVER out of your league

Why they are NEVER out of your league

I have been hearing a lot of people say that “she’s out of my league”, “he’s out of her league”, etc. I remember even in high school, I liked this guy and got bummed about him not liking me back. My (ex-) friend’s excuse? He was out of my league.

I am going to tell you something so extraordinary that it may just blow your mind:

SCREW THE LEAGUE! 

I’m serious. If they can’t embrace the amazing person that is fun, interesting and as nice as yourself, they don’t deserve your time and effort. No one is so almighty that there are limitations on seeing if they are interested in you and if they do think that way, they seriously need a reality check. 

There’s nothing wrong with knowing what you like. However, if you put labels such as leagues around you, you actually, in turn, become less attractive, desirable and unapproachable. Egos don’t help anyone. 

Be confident in yourself and you will attract the right person for you. Superman is my dream man but it was only when I started to truly love myself that I found him. The right person will love you for you because for them, love is not a sport with leagues. Love is for life. 

If it doesn’t work out, don’t blame yourself for something as a bad first date. Learn from it and realize it wasn’t meant to be. 

Sincerely, 

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother 

Trust Yourself

Trust Yourself

Hey everyone,

Sorry about the late blog post. Getting readjusted  to daily routine is not easy after you come back from vacation. My family and I went to Disney World and Santa Maria, Cuba.  It was much needed relaxation and with new inspiration, I return here.

When I went to Cuba, Superman and I had absolutely no contact with one another (no emails, texts, phone calls, instant messages, you name it!). What we decided to do was to do what Ryan Gosling did in The Notebook: write letters to each other everyday. You hear about your grandparents’ love letters and we are so caught up in technology that these letters became a true keepsake.

One thing Superman pointed out to me before my vacation was that he didn’t believe that my trust was 100% there yet and he was right.  In the past, literally the minute I gave my complete trust to someone, there was a breakup and a betrayal. Part of me wanted to shake Superman and just tell him:

“YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TERRIFIED I AM!”

Then, you slowly realize that he is not like the others and more importantly, you have changed as well. I think that the main root of many trust issues is that we don’t trust ourselves. We have gotten duped, wool placed in our eyes, rug pulled out from under us, whatever analogy you want to use and we start to believe that since it has happened to us before, it can happen again. We start to become private investigators of our significant others, overanalyzing everything they do or say and instead of finding love, we are building walls preventing ourselves from that.

You’ve changed, honey. You have gotten stronger. You were so afraid in your last relationships because you needed a relationship and now, you’re so confident, you don’t need one but want one. Do you know how amazing you are? Yes? Then, if that guy or girl doesn’t know it and hurts you or leaves, screw them! They don’t deserve you.

When you get to know someone, you learn their core values and from that, you start to learn what they DEFINITELY would or would not do. From the start, Superman always emphasized his respect for women; so I knew that if something was wrong between him and I, he would tell me right away and face-to-face.

My greatest fear was that since we didn’t contact each other everyday, we would drift apart. However, in my heart of hearts, I knew that he was writing those letters just as I was and was thinking about me. I knew that our connection was so valuable that he wasn’t flirting with other girls and we were thinking about one another. That’s one thing I noticed: if someone tells you about others flirting with them, they are an honest person and are more so slightly uncomfortable than anything else. If they really enjoyed that attention from others, do you think that they would really care to tell you? I think that they would rather bask in that attention and possibly return it as well.

Trust yourself and trust someone who is being totally genuine. Whenever Superman and I have seen one another, he looks me straight in the eyes and tells me that he notices no one else but me. He constantly tells me how fortunate he is to have me in his life and I feel the same way. Therefore, how could I not trust him?

Cuba made us appreciate one another and made us stronger. We trust one another to not take each other for granted and know that any questions can always be asked.

I have never met anyone who has embodied the Love, Communication, Appreciation and Trust principles like Superman does and am I ever glad that I met him!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Something Different

Something Different

Hey everyone,

Remember when you were heartbroken, took time for yourself and now your life is nothing but positive? There’s a reason for that!

I never used to believe it when people told me that I would find the right guy when I least expect it and when things were falling into place. Well, I do believe it now!

When you take time for yourself, you learn to appreciate yourself and know that if you do not find the right person right away, it’s nothing personal. You learn to feel good about yourself and know that you have a lot to offer. Why would anyone rather go back into the dating world with nothing less than positivity?

Needless to say, I met an amazing man. Let’s call him Superman because it is an anonymous blog and well, he is the only guy that I told about this blog before getting into a relationship, so he reads it (Hi honey! :P).

My first date with him was the best date I had ever been on. I was incredibly nervous but when we did meet, I felt that because we both knew what we wanted and found it in one another which made for a fun, comfortable and romantic date. I don’t think that it takes an expensive, lavish first date to impress anyone. It is the quality of the  date. Having fun and his romantic gestures won me over.

The best thing that you can do is to give love a chance. I was ready to give up on my search from all the flops I found online but my friends encouraged me to give love another try. That’s when I came across Superman’s photo. He was different from the guys that I was often dating but I thought he was cute so I read into his profile. He had many of the same values and mindset that I had, so I decided to message him. I thought that he may not message me back because I wasn’t having the best of luck but he messaged back right away.

Since then, we keep in contact everyday and we have both cancelled our online subscriptions. We are both exclusive and enjoying it.  He is an amazing man and I truly feel blessed to have found him.

On The Talk a few days ago, a question was raised: “Should love be effortless?”. My opinion is that love does require effort on both parts in order to maintain the commitment and dedication. However, as the result of love being present, that effort won’t feel like effort at all.

It has become evident that Superman and I both put effort into getting to know one another. My mother always made fun of me for saying that one good fight always makes a couple stronger and unfortunately, I got that fight! The good thing was that his calm, serene self balanced my emotional state and we worked things out. Even though it wasn’t in the best circumstances, the point is that establishing early lines of communication is very important, which is part of the LCAT requirements of relationships (Love, Communication, Appreciation and Trust).

Love shouldn’t be a lifejacket. It should be a surfboard in your life when you are already enjoying the ocean.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

 

 

Sticking to my guns

Sticking to my guns

As I woke up this morning and got dressed, I looked at the inscription on my tank top:

“J’aime les mauvais garçons”

It translates to “I love bad guys” from French. Then, I had to ask myself, “Do I really?” The answer is simply no; however, it is who I have been attracting and to whom I have been attracted. Why? I believe that my new-found confidence has led to me mistake conceitedness for confidence in many men and this lesson I have learned quite well.

This leads me into my story about Harry. We have decided to no longer be friends.

What happened? A week ago, he called me and we caught up on our lives. He was saying that he was only really focused on exams, which at the time, I was also doing . I expressed my frustration about how I have been trying to find a potential suitor but nothing seemed to be working out. He then asked if he could call me back as he had to message his group about a project. I hoped that he would not interpret my lack of a partner as an invitation.

Unfortunately, he did.

He called me late that night, explaining in great detail of how turned on he was by me. I reinstated that we were just friends and he replied that a guy and a girl can only be friends for so long.

I’m sorry, are we in the second grade? I have MANY guy friends, both heterosexual and gay, and they are awesome people who just work out better as friends than as boyfriends. Harry is going to be 25 years old this summer; the fact that he did not understand this concept astonishes me.

Instead of immediately rejecting him, I invited the conversation. We went over what happened during our date, explaining what went well and what didn’t. There were some misunderstandings but at the end of the day, despite his best attempts, it was clear that he wanted a sexual relationship with no commitment.

I asked him what he liked about me and he was describing very superficial things and had the audacity to attempt to reduce me to being a sex object. Since I never truly disclosed why I did not want a sexual relationship, he just assumed that I was a virgin and insulted me in various ways.

Quite frankly, my sexuality, present or absent, active or passive, is not anyone’s business. It is my decision to disclose it. I am a person where if I want to be intimate with someone, there has to be a strong emotional connection present. Making love seems to be a lost art since many people succumb to lust. Clearly, Harry was not going to be the guy for me.

He tried to cover up his true intentions but I called him out right away and told him that we both knew where we stood. We bid each other goodbye and then, he had the audacity to say to wish my mother a Happy Birthday in a few days.

People wonder how a passionate person like me could stay so calm during that type of conversation. I had no emotional attachment to him because nothing was there as well as I have put myself first in life. He obviously was not the guy for me and I was not about to waste my time.

I was certainly bothered by the amount of disrespect I received but I did not ponder over it long. At the end of the day, self-love comes before anything else and if that person cannot respect my comfort zone, it’s time for them to leave.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother