How To Get Through A Rough Patch 

Hey everyone! 

It feels so good to be back. I have been busy but I have also been learning. Next weekend will mark Superman and I’s 3rd anniversary. Although we are very happy, we have also had our challenges. 

Rough patches are a matter of growth: either growing together or growing apart. Both are valuable learning experiences but what if you want to get out of one? 

Firstly, in order to succeed as a couple through a rough patch, it takes TWO people to make it work. Otherwise, just end the relationship now. Having one person do all the work is like a seesaw just becoming an upright stick in the sand. 

Secondly, evaluate your self-respect. If you feel like being with this person equates with diminishing your self-worth, you deserve better. Even though relationships are selfless, they must also be selfish. Is this relationship benefitting you mind, body and soul? If it’s not, they are not the person for you. 

Thirdly, assess the underlying interests. Do you think that there is a lack of respect? Are you going through a rough time in your life? Do you feel unappreciated? You can’t beat around the bush with these. By being open and honest, you can achieve mutual understanding and resolution.

Finally, give things both space and time. If you both love one another and are willing to put in the work, success is possible. It won’t happen overnight but it can eventually work. 

As the song goes, “just the two of us. We can make it if we try”. 

Sincerely, 

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother 

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“Let’s make it official”

Hey everyone!

Sorry about the late posting, it has been very busy over the past two weeks. Posts may be a bit more sparse because I am going back to school but I will try my best to post at least once a week.

Some may have heard the news but if you haven’t: As of August 27th, Superman is now my boyfriend! I am so blessed to take this next step with him. Here is how everything happened:

We went to the CNE and were going on the rides. The first ride was a ferris wheel. I honestly thought that he would ask me then but it didn’t happen. I wasn’t disappointed because I knew that he would ask me at the right time. I had bugged him before about taking the next step and he told me to trust him. So I did just that.

As we were going on other rides and looking at other exhibits, the psychic booth caught my attention. My mother used to never allow me to go when I was a kid, so it drove me to try it out. Superman told me that it wasn’t something of which he was too fond but at only $10, I didn’t see any harm.

I regretted ever going. This psychic had nothing but bad to say about me and even worse, they were all lies about me. She said I lacked focus (false!), have a divorce/separation in my future (an insult considering that I come from a divorced family) and that I have tendencies that belong to a cheater (an utter blasphemy considering how many times I have been cheated on). I met Superman outside and he asked me how it went. He could tell that it had affected me. I saw other women come from these booths distraught as well. NOTE TO READERS: DON’T GO TO THE PSYCHIC BOOTHS AT THE CNE! He told me that nothing she said was true and that I am a woman that defies the odds. It made me feel better.

Superman suggested that we go on the Skyride and head home. We hopped on and he started talking about how amazing our connection is. I thought it was really sweet because we have these talks often and it is nice to know that things are going well. Then, he said it:

“I love you”.

I had no regrets, no hesitations and no nerves. I was just in utter awe and delight when I said it back to him. It was something my heart had been dying to say for about a good month. There was a bit of confusion because he never asked me to be his girlfriend but after a nervous and cute conversation, he asked me to be his “boyfriend, I mean GIRLFRIEND” haha.

Then, he pulled me aside because he wanted to show me something. I noticed that he was wearing an undershirt on the hottest day ever which was abnormal considering that he heats up easily. He removed his shirt to reveal an undershirt that said:

“Let’s Make It Official”.

Jersey Shore may have had the idea first but in no way was it as romantic as how Superman did it.

Has much changed since we have become official? Not really. We are the same committed individuals who wanted this almost four months ago, now just with a title that we have had for over a week. The one thing that a relationship did bring was new opportunities to learn more about one another because we are more involved in each other’s lives.

Superman is a simple yet very complex man all at the same time. Sometimes, he’s very direct and other times, it takes him a bit of time to get his thoughts together. It just shows that he is human and affected by different situations in different ways. When I’m nervous, I like to talk about it; when he’s nervous, he likes to think about it and guess what? IT’S OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT! If we were the same, we would be dating ourselves.

Not only do we get to learn more about how we act in different situations but also more about the core of who we are as individuals. When I met his friends, I immediately understood why they were his friends, something I have never experienced before. They exemplified the same positive energy that he does every single day.

As well, we understand our different means of affection. If it were up to me, I would love to hear him say “I love you” every second of every day because it is so new and different to us. However, Superman was smart enough to point out that there are more ways to show his love for me than just those words. Some examples that I have noted with a secret smile?

Messaging me in the middle of the night telling me how grateful he is to have me in his life.

Sending me a song that describes who I am in order to cheer me up (Check out “I won’t back down” by Tom Petty).

Never knocking any ideas down but realistically pointing out the pros and cons, even when I don’t want to hear the cons.

Staying up late when an unfortunate circumstance has happened.

Asking if he wanted to come to a funeral with me for support.

In this sense, I like to hear “I love you” but actions speak louder than words and well, take a look at these actions! As well, I want him to say it to me when he feels like it and is not forced. It is much more genuine that way.

Like I said before, a relationship is how two people relate to one another throughout life’s circumstances. I believe that what Superman and I have is an amazing start to a beautiful commitment.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

We are superior because we are equal

With the separation of Hollywood’s hottest couple, Beyonce and Jay-Z, one begins to wonder if power couples can be successful. Is there a need for only one person to wear the pants in the relationship or as Patti Stanger from Millionaire Matchmaker says, “Let the man have the penis!” ? Or should a relationship be in the form of a Fifty Shades of Grey S & M style where one must be dominant, the other submissive?

No, there really isn’t a need for a relationship to be that way.

Certainly, most rappers have affairs with back up dancers and proclaim worldwide of their escapades with women who cater to their every need. Maybe if Beyonce said “Yes, Sir” a little more often, there would be no chances of infidelity, right? Wrong.

I don’t know how many times I have been told that guys are intimidated by my independence. I have been submissive before to the point where I have lost myself. That’s when I realized:

“Act like a lady? No honey, act like a MAN!”

I don’t mean that in a way where I impose gender roles. This statement is about having a MATURE relationship. If both people within the relationship are mature, they can take care of themselves and don’t require the submission nor dominance of the other but rather the mutual respect and admiration that forms a strong bond. That’s why Superman and I work: we appreciate one another’s ambition but do not depend on it and when we treat one another to a nice surprise or a romantic gesture, it is because we value one another, not because we need to be taken care of.

We are superior, stellar and amazing because we are equal. That’s what separates the boys and girls from the men and women.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Are you going to try or are you going to let love die?

I’m serious. It’s as simple as that: try or let love die. We speak often about things just not working out or falling out of love with someone but are they just excuses for allowing a relationship to falter? I believe so.

Sometimes, the worst of breakups happen because problems are festered and not dealt with. It’s that very accumulation that gets in the way of intimacy, growth and strength as a couple; rather it creates distance and resentment that when that accumulation becomes a larger problem than how it started, it is truly unfortunate.

Must we play games? Relationships should not be a game of hide and go seek. Be honest and if you care, work things out. If not, have enough respect for the person to leave and not let them on. Our parents’ and grandparents’ generation was one that was persistent. You can blame that persistence on times of turmoil as the result of war. It could have been a part of it but it was a value that should be carried on regardless of good or bad times. It’s a value that you kept the old car, the house with the leaky roof, the scuffed up shoes and the nagging wife or husband because it meant something special. It may require a little fixing but in no time, everything would be like new.

It’s about investment: long term investment in those that you care about. After all, no one brags about the marriage that lasts only a day.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother