How To Get Through A Rough Patch 

Hey everyone! 

It feels so good to be back. I have been busy but I have also been learning. Next weekend will mark Superman and I’s 3rd anniversary. Although we are very happy, we have also had our challenges. 

Rough patches are a matter of growth: either growing together or growing apart. Both are valuable learning experiences but what if you want to get out of one? 

Firstly, in order to succeed as a couple through a rough patch, it takes TWO people to make it work. Otherwise, just end the relationship now. Having one person do all the work is like a seesaw just becoming an upright stick in the sand. 

Secondly, evaluate your self-respect. If you feel like being with this person equates with diminishing your self-worth, you deserve better. Even though relationships are selfless, they must also be selfish. Is this relationship benefitting you mind, body and soul? If it’s not, they are not the person for you. 

Thirdly, assess the underlying interests. Do you think that there is a lack of respect? Are you going through a rough time in your life? Do you feel unappreciated? You can’t beat around the bush with these. By being open and honest, you can achieve mutual understanding and resolution.

Finally, give things both space and time. If you both love one another and are willing to put in the work, success is possible. It won’t happen overnight but it can eventually work. 

As the song goes, “just the two of us. We can make it if we try”. 

Sincerely, 

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother 

We are superior because we are equal

With the separation of Hollywood’s hottest couple, Beyonce and Jay-Z, one begins to wonder if power couples can be successful. Is there a need for only one person to wear the pants in the relationship or as Patti Stanger from Millionaire Matchmaker says, “Let the man have the penis!” ? Or should a relationship be in the form of a Fifty Shades of Grey S & M style where one must be dominant, the other submissive?

No, there really isn’t a need for a relationship to be that way.

Certainly, most rappers have affairs with back up dancers and proclaim worldwide of their escapades with women who cater to their every need. Maybe if Beyonce said “Yes, Sir” a little more often, there would be no chances of infidelity, right? Wrong.

I don’t know how many times I have been told that guys are intimidated by my independence. I have been submissive before to the point where I have lost myself. That’s when I realized:

“Act like a lady? No honey, act like a MAN!”

I don’t mean that in a way where I impose gender roles. This statement is about having a MATURE relationship. If both people within the relationship are mature, they can take care of themselves and don’t require the submission nor dominance of the other but rather the mutual respect and admiration that forms a strong bond. That’s why Superman and I work: we appreciate one another’s ambition but do not depend on it and when we treat one another to a nice surprise or a romantic gesture, it is because we value one another, not because we need to be taken care of.

We are superior, stellar and amazing because we are equal. That’s what separates the boys and girls from the men and women.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

For Better and For Worse

“For Better and For Worse” was a common phrase that I heard when I was a child. Whether it was watching my parents’ wedding video, hearing them out of newlyweds as a flowergirl for three weddings or as a title of a briefly aired show that is now only see as comics in a newspaper, for better and for worse was important.

However, I now reflect on the phrase and smile. We look at it as an ideal but is theory really put into practice? If we put so much importance on that phrase that we include it in vows, why are so many divorces happening so often and so quickly?

Here’s why: the Honeymoon Period. It is seriously a trap. I’m not talking about going away after your wedding. I’m talking about being so lovey-dovey in a fantasy land that it completely and overtly avoids reality. It’s about wanting everything to be magically perfect that all fights are avoided and everything builds up volcano-style. What you thought was an eternal flame becomes extinguished. Sounds familiar? Well it sounds like every past relationship for me.

The key is honesty. You may LOVE your significant other but you may not LIKE everything about them. They may chew their nails, be a backseat driver or forget to put the toilet seat down. It may drive you nuts but you still care about them anyway.

The fact of the matter is that you are going to get on each other’s nerves and butt heads at times. It could be them taking out stress at work on you, feel like they are not paying attention or just wanting a bit more help around the house. Don’t ignore the small things: squash them early and become stronger from it.

Superman and I have had our spats and we are not even in a relationship yet. Some may say that spells out trouble. I say that it spells out success. With every spat squashed, we learn more about one another: what we value, what we want and what we care about. At the end of the day, if I can say that I care more about him than any fight (which I do each and every time), I know that our connection is strong enough to conquer everything.

Go through every hardship together and become even more united than before. After all, how can you have an unconditional love when you don’t allow yourself to experience all of the different conditions?

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Trust Yourself

Hey everyone,

Sorry about the late blog post. Getting readjusted  to daily routine is not easy after you come back from vacation. My family and I went to Disney World and Santa Maria, Cuba.  It was much needed relaxation and with new inspiration, I return here.

When I went to Cuba, Superman and I had absolutely no contact with one another (no emails, texts, phone calls, instant messages, you name it!). What we decided to do was to do what Ryan Gosling did in The Notebook: write letters to each other everyday. You hear about your grandparents’ love letters and we are so caught up in technology that these letters became a true keepsake.

One thing Superman pointed out to me before my vacation was that he didn’t believe that my trust was 100% there yet and he was right.  In the past, literally the minute I gave my complete trust to someone, there was a breakup and a betrayal. Part of me wanted to shake Superman and just tell him:

“YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TERRIFIED I AM!”

Then, you slowly realize that he is not like the others and more importantly, you have changed as well. I think that the main root of many trust issues is that we don’t trust ourselves. We have gotten duped, wool placed in our eyes, rug pulled out from under us, whatever analogy you want to use and we start to believe that since it has happened to us before, it can happen again. We start to become private investigators of our significant others, overanalyzing everything they do or say and instead of finding love, we are building walls preventing ourselves from that.

You’ve changed, honey. You have gotten stronger. You were so afraid in your last relationships because you needed a relationship and now, you’re so confident, you don’t need one but want one. Do you know how amazing you are? Yes? Then, if that guy or girl doesn’t know it and hurts you or leaves, screw them! They don’t deserve you.

When you get to know someone, you learn their core values and from that, you start to learn what they DEFINITELY would or would not do. From the start, Superman always emphasized his respect for women; so I knew that if something was wrong between him and I, he would tell me right away and face-to-face.

My greatest fear was that since we didn’t contact each other everyday, we would drift apart. However, in my heart of hearts, I knew that he was writing those letters just as I was and was thinking about me. I knew that our connection was so valuable that he wasn’t flirting with other girls and we were thinking about one another. That’s one thing I noticed: if someone tells you about others flirting with them, they are an honest person and are more so slightly uncomfortable than anything else. If they really enjoyed that attention from others, do you think that they would really care to tell you? I think that they would rather bask in that attention and possibly return it as well.

Trust yourself and trust someone who is being totally genuine. Whenever Superman and I have seen one another, he looks me straight in the eyes and tells me that he notices no one else but me. He constantly tells me how fortunate he is to have me in his life and I feel the same way. Therefore, how could I not trust him?

Cuba made us appreciate one another and made us stronger. We trust one another to not take each other for granted and know that any questions can always be asked.

I have never met anyone who has embodied the Love, Communication, Appreciation and Trust principles like Superman does and am I ever glad that I met him!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother