Your boyfriend should be your teammate. Your rock. Your support system. He should be the one person you can trust when your life turns upside down. He should be on your side. And you should be on his side. You should be facing obstacles together. You should be working toward a better future together. You…
I saw this article by Thought Catalog and it prompted this post. Although I agree with what the majority of this blog has to share, I disagree that just because you are fighting, you need to hang up the towel.
When Superman and I got engaged in September, it was a very happy moment. I was over the moon and my inner bride who has been in a wedding party seven times was ready to plan #alwaysabridesmaidneverabride. What no one tells you, however, is that an engagement can invoke a very trying time for a couple.
We began nitpicking. The dream in-laws began to meddle. Separation anxiety crept up. What many others before us depicted as a honeymoon period became a terror. I thought there was something wrong with us and that fate was having its way. After conducting some research, I discovered that this is very common for newly engaged couples and that it would have been inevitable for us because of one thing.
We never liked it. Yet, here we were transitioning into the biggest change of them all: two becoming one. Take a future husband who has never left home and a future wife whose parents’ divorce had traumatized her – how on earth did we think that this transition was going to be easy?
Why were we fighting? We are both terrible at communication. Egos often get in the way and now when you are dealing with larger issues, such as family dynamics, parenting styles and a pending mortgage, we are extra defensive. Different circumstances arose and our type A personalities reacted rather than reflected.
Instead of throwing in the towel, we work every day to be better not only for one another but for ourselves as well. Marriage is work and throwing in the towel so easily and effortlessly…well, that makes it no surprise why divorce is on the rise. I’m not going to sugarcoat the effort that a marriage takes. As mentioned in my previous posts, a healthy relationship takes four things: love, communication, appreciation and trust (LCAT). You have to work hard at this every single day. Worked late? Feeling sick? Fallen on tough times? The vows “for better or for worse” actually mean something.
My fiancé is not an iPhone: I am not going to get a new one every two years. I love and trust this man but I need to do better to appreciate and communicate with him. I am sure that he can say the same towards me. The thought of pet peeves becoming permanent and worries about how life will be dissipate as the thought of spending the rest of our lives together emerges. Cuddling every morning. Crafting new recipes. Raising children. Living out every day with each other’s best friend. This would all be erased by just allowing fear to get in the way of one another.
Pick your battles. Talk often. Roll up your sleeves but allow love to win.
The Modern Day Fairy Godmother