It feels so good to be back. I have been busy but I have also been learning. Next weekend will mark Superman and I’s 3rd anniversary. Although we are very happy, we have also had our challenges.
Rough patches are a matter of growth: either growing together or growing apart. Both are valuable learning experiences but what if you want to get out of one?
Firstly, in order to succeed as a couple through a rough patch, it takes TWO people to make it work. Otherwise, just end the relationship now. Having one person do all the work is like a seesaw just becoming an upright stick in the sand.
Secondly, evaluate your self-respect. If you feel like being with this person equates with diminishing your self-worth, you deserve better. Even though relationships are selfless, they must also be selfish. Is this relationship benefitting you mind, body and soul? If it’s not, they are not the person for you.
Thirdly, assess the underlying interests. Do you think that there is a lack of respect? Are you going through a rough time in your life? Do you feel unappreciated? You can’t beat around the bush with these. By being open and honest, you can achieve mutual understanding and resolution.
Finally, give things both space and time. If you both love one another and are willing to put in the work, success is possible. It won’t happen overnight but it can eventually work.
As the song goes, “just the two of us. We can make it if we try”.
Over the course of the past three years, I have realized that I have written a lot about listening in regards to its importance and value. However, it is very easy to listen when you do not have any need to speak!
A couple of weeks ago, Superman and I got into an argument. We are very strong-minded people, which is why we butt heads more than the average couple in spite of our immense love for one another. That strong-mindedness translates into stubbornness very quickly.
I have been in a relationship with Superman for almost two years and in many ways, I know him very well but in many other ways, I do not. I am learning about him every day: how he communicates, how he deals with tough times, what pushes his buttons and what unexpectedly upsets him. I think it is very easy to take advantage of our significant other. We expect a lot out of them without stopping to think “Am I living up to the same standards?”
As we were having our argument, I just stopped talking and heard him out. I realized that there was a deeper meaning than what he was simply saying. I took a moment and asked him if he felt appreciated. He told me that he did not and I realized then that I should give more credit than I do now.
How would I know that if I did not take the time to just shut up and listen? Truthfully, I would not have. Sometimes life gets so busy that we just expect things to flow rather than appreciating why they flow and what makes them so good. Most arguments are just noise and instead of just hearing yourself speak, consider another perspective.
Become a better listener. Trust me, you will gain the same respect once you give it to others.
It has been a while since I have written and I have missed it. Has anyone else experienced the start of 2016 as nothing but go-go-go? I know I have!
I was just reflecting on the past year and speaking with my grandmother about relationships. I remembered an argument my boyfriend and I had at Subway just a few days after Christmas. I couldn’t remember what it was about, which means it probably wasn’t worth arguing over. I remember just telling him that I wasn’t a fan of something but I understood where he was coming from. He thanked me and asked me if it was so difficult for me to understand rather than creating a huge argument over something so petty?
Nowadays, we emphasize compromise in our relationships but remember to compromise and not sacrifice. It’s perfectly okay not to agree. After all, you are different people and if you were the same, you would be dating yourself.
You are going to hear opinions that will challenge your way of thinking and doing things. It’s inevitable. What matters most is that if the topic is particularly sensitive to person with whom you are speaking, it is important to empathize and show understanding. You may not agree with the actions they wish to take but if you agree with their perspective and the goodness of their intentions, understanding is crucial to building the RELATION part of your relationship. It’s not about debating; it’s about listening and giving your attention to the person.
My grandmother is going to be 70 years old next month and has been married for 54 years. She told me that in every marriage, it shouldn’t be 50-50, a man should have 51%, as the result of more financial responsibility, and a woman should have 49%. Although I strongly disagree with this theory, I understand the principle behind it as she explained further: don’t let pride nor anger get in the way of love. In this way, I revise my grandmother’s outdated and traditional theory: it should be 49-49 as there’s is going to be give and take and someone is going to use that extra 1 or 2% at times.
My grandmother says that there are five elements to a good relationship and marriage:
I have officially returned! I really missed sharing my insights with you. I had to be absent because my degree’s program became very time-consuming and I also had to take some time to learn about my own relationship as well as other relationships in order to fully appreciate what I have been writing about for almost two years now.
As aforementioned, communication is key to every successful, healthy and happy relationship. However, it is the WAY that one communicates that determines whether an open dialogue about important topics will run smoothly.
Around the holidays, we are so caught up in our own stresses that we begin to show symptoms of “What about Me?” Syndrome. Our stress, troubles and worries become so consuming that we forget about the needs of our significant other. Although our significant other is there for emotional support, they are NOT your therapist. Relationships are all about reciprocity: if you are not paying attention to their emotional needs, how can you expect them to pay attention to yours?
As well, we live in a society where everything is rushed and has a timeline. Don’t do that to your relationship. You cannot achieve the naturalness of your love for one another and incorporation into one another’s lives if everything is structured and constrained.
If you don’t flow, your relationship won’t go.
Relationships are about how well you relate to one another in the midst of life’s circumstances. Therefore, work WITH one another and not against with one another. Be patient, be kind, be understanding and always ask what your partner needs and inform your partner of what you need out of your relationship.
Truly enjoy one another and your experiences together. Everything else is secondary. Treasure simultaneously your accomplishments as well as your journey ahead.
With the presence of dreary weather, colds, heavy clothes and blankets and the introduction of the heater, summer is definitely over. Some summer flings may have died out but others, like myself, have made foundations for strong relationships. However, that free time that you both used to have is lost. There is now long work days, piles of homework and multiple early morning alarms. So how does one keep that bond together? Here are some tips that I found worked with Superman and I:
1. SUPPORT EACH OTHER.
You have promised each other that you will be there through thick and thin. Now, follow through on it! You are going to have hard days and stressful moments where you don’t know what to do. Support one another through every hardship and you both will come out on top.
2. IT’S OKAY TO BE JEALOUS.
You both are having more time apart and they are just amazing, aren’t they? So it’s understandable to be jealous. After all, everyone else will probably think that they are amazing too. A little jealousy is good for a relationship as long as you don’t go crazy. You definitely care about them but if they give you no reason to doubt, it’s nothing to worry about.
3. KEEP IT ROMANTIC.
Don’t just jump to the bedroom because you haven’t seen each other in a while. It will get very uncomfortable very quickly. Don’t take each other for granted but rather show that intimacy in other ways. Show each other how special you feel when you are with them.
4. ALWAYS LET THEM KNOW THAT THEY ARE MISSED AND LOVED.
Otherwise, if you don’t feel happy with them, what’s the point?