Shut Up and Listen

Over the course of the past three years, I have realized that I have written a lot about listening in regards to its importance and value. However, it is very easy to listen when you do not have any need to speak!

A couple of weeks ago, Superman and I got into an argument. We are very strong-minded people, which is why we butt heads more than the average couple in spite of our immense love for one another. That strong-mindedness translates into stubbornness very quickly.

I have been in a relationship with Superman for almost two years and in many ways, I know him very well but in many other ways, I do not. I am learning about him every day: how he communicates, how he deals with tough times, what pushes his buttons and what unexpectedly upsets him. I think it is very easy to take advantage of our significant other. We expect a lot out of them without stopping to think “Am I living up to the same standards?”

As we were having our argument, I just stopped talking and heard him out. I realized that there was a deeper meaning than what he was simply saying. I took a moment and asked him if he felt appreciated. He told me that he did not and I realized then that I should give more credit than I do now.

How would I know that if I did not take the time to just shut up and listen? Truthfully, I would not have. Sometimes life gets so busy that we just expect things to flow rather than appreciating why they flow and what makes them so good. Most arguments are just noise and instead of just hearing yourself speak, consider another perspective.

Become a better listener. Trust me, you will gain the same respect once you give it to others.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

 

Why Understanding is More Important than Agreeing

Hello everyone!

 

It has been a while since I have written and I have missed it. Has anyone else experienced the start of 2016 as nothing but go-go-go? I know I have!

I was just reflecting on the past year and speaking with my grandmother about relationships. I remembered an argument my boyfriend and I had at Subway just a few days after Christmas. I couldn’t remember what it was about, which means it probably wasn’t worth arguing over. I remember just telling him that I wasn’t a fan of something but I understood where he was coming from. He thanked me and asked me if it was so difficult for me to understand rather than creating a huge argument over something so petty?

Nowadays, we emphasize compromise in our relationships but remember to compromise and not sacrifice. It’s perfectly okay not to agree. After all, you are different people and if you were the same, you would be dating yourself.

You are going to hear opinions that will challenge your way of thinking and doing things. It’s inevitable. What matters most is that if the topic is particularly sensitive to person with whom you are speaking, it is important to empathize and show understanding. You may not agree with the actions they wish to take but if you agree with their perspective and the goodness of their intentions, understanding is crucial to building the RELATION part of your relationship. It’s not about debating; it’s about listening and giving your attention to the person.

My grandmother is going to be 70 years old next month and has been married for 54 years. She told me that in every marriage, it shouldn’t be 50-50, a man should have 51%, as the result of more financial responsibility, and a woman should have 49%. Although I strongly disagree with this theory, I understand the principle behind it as she explained further: don’t let pride nor anger get in the way of love. In this way, I revise my grandmother’s outdated and traditional theory: it should be 49-49 as there’s is going to be give and take and someone is going to use that extra 1 or 2% at times.

My grandmother says that there are five elements to a good relationship and marriage:

Patience

Cooperation

Trust

Loyalty

and Love.

Those things will never be outdated.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

 

New Understandings into 2015

Hey everyone,

I have officially returned! I really missed sharing my insights with you. I had to be absent because my degree’s program became very time-consuming and I also had to take some time to learn about my own relationship as well as other relationships in order to fully appreciate what I have been writing about for almost two years now.

As aforementioned, communication is key to every successful, healthy and happy relationship. However, it is the WAY that one communicates that determines whether an open dialogue about important topics will run smoothly.

Around the holidays, we are so caught up in our own stresses that we begin to show symptoms of “What about Me?” Syndrome. Our stress, troubles and worries become so consuming that we forget about the needs of our significant other. Although our significant other is there for emotional support, they are NOT your therapist. Relationships are all about reciprocity: if you are not paying attention to their emotional needs, how can you expect them to pay attention to yours?

As well, we live in a society where everything is rushed and has a timeline. Don’t do that to your relationship. You cannot achieve the naturalness of your love for one another and incorporation into one another’s lives if everything is structured and constrained.

If you don’t flow, your relationship won’t go.

Relationships are about how well you relate to one another in the midst of life’s circumstances. Therefore, work WITH one another and not against with one another. Be patient, be kind, be understanding and always ask what your partner needs and inform your partner of what you need out of your relationship.

Truly enjoy one another and your experiences together. Everything else is secondary. Treasure simultaneously your accomplishments as well as your journey ahead.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

Mutual Understanding

Hey everyone,

With the presence of dreary weather, colds, heavy clothes and blankets and the introduction of the heater, summer is definitely over. Some summer flings may have died out but others, like myself, have made foundations for strong relationships. However, that free time that you both used to have is lost. There is now long work days, piles of homework and multiple early morning alarms. So how does one keep that bond together? Here are some tips that I found worked with Superman and I:

1. SUPPORT EACH OTHER.

You have promised each other that you will be there through thick and thin. Now, follow through on it! You are going to have hard days and stressful moments where you don’t know what to do. Support one another through every hardship and you both will come out on top.

2. IT’S OKAY TO BE JEALOUS.

 You both are having more time apart and they are just amazing, aren’t they? So it’s understandable to be jealous. After all, everyone else will probably think that they are amazing too. A little jealousy is good for a relationship as long as you don’t go crazy. You definitely care about them but if they give you no reason to doubt, it’s nothing to worry about.

3. KEEP IT ROMANTIC. 

Don’t just jump to the bedroom because you haven’t seen each other in a while. It will get very uncomfortable very quickly. Don’t take each other for granted but rather show that intimacy in other ways. Show each other how special you feel when you are with them.

4. ALWAYS LET THEM KNOW THAT THEY ARE MISSED AND LOVED.

Otherwise, if you don’t feel happy with them, what’s the point?

Relationships take effort. Work for your success!

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother

“Let’s make it official”

Hey everyone!

Sorry about the late posting, it has been very busy over the past two weeks. Posts may be a bit more sparse because I am going back to school but I will try my best to post at least once a week.

Some may have heard the news but if you haven’t: As of August 27th, Superman is now my boyfriend! I am so blessed to take this next step with him. Here is how everything happened:

We went to the CNE and were going on the rides. The first ride was a ferris wheel. I honestly thought that he would ask me then but it didn’t happen. I wasn’t disappointed because I knew that he would ask me at the right time. I had bugged him before about taking the next step and he told me to trust him. So I did just that.

As we were going on other rides and looking at other exhibits, the psychic booth caught my attention. My mother used to never allow me to go when I was a kid, so it drove me to try it out. Superman told me that it wasn’t something of which he was too fond but at only $10, I didn’t see any harm.

I regretted ever going. This psychic had nothing but bad to say about me and even worse, they were all lies about me. She said I lacked focus (false!), have a divorce/separation in my future (an insult considering that I come from a divorced family) and that I have tendencies that belong to a cheater (an utter blasphemy considering how many times I have been cheated on). I met Superman outside and he asked me how it went. He could tell that it had affected me. I saw other women come from these booths distraught as well. NOTE TO READERS: DON’T GO TO THE PSYCHIC BOOTHS AT THE CNE! He told me that nothing she said was true and that I am a woman that defies the odds. It made me feel better.

Superman suggested that we go on the Skyride and head home. We hopped on and he started talking about how amazing our connection is. I thought it was really sweet because we have these talks often and it is nice to know that things are going well. Then, he said it:

“I love you”.

I had no regrets, no hesitations and no nerves. I was just in utter awe and delight when I said it back to him. It was something my heart had been dying to say for about a good month. There was a bit of confusion because he never asked me to be his girlfriend but after a nervous and cute conversation, he asked me to be his “boyfriend, I mean GIRLFRIEND” haha.

Then, he pulled me aside because he wanted to show me something. I noticed that he was wearing an undershirt on the hottest day ever which was abnormal considering that he heats up easily. He removed his shirt to reveal an undershirt that said:

“Let’s Make It Official”.

Jersey Shore may have had the idea first but in no way was it as romantic as how Superman did it.

Has much changed since we have become official? Not really. We are the same committed individuals who wanted this almost four months ago, now just with a title that we have had for over a week. The one thing that a relationship did bring was new opportunities to learn more about one another because we are more involved in each other’s lives.

Superman is a simple yet very complex man all at the same time. Sometimes, he’s very direct and other times, it takes him a bit of time to get his thoughts together. It just shows that he is human and affected by different situations in different ways. When I’m nervous, I like to talk about it; when he’s nervous, he likes to think about it and guess what? IT’S OKAY TO BE DIFFERENT! If we were the same, we would be dating ourselves.

Not only do we get to learn more about how we act in different situations but also more about the core of who we are as individuals. When I met his friends, I immediately understood why they were his friends, something I have never experienced before. They exemplified the same positive energy that he does every single day.

As well, we understand our different means of affection. If it were up to me, I would love to hear him say “I love you” every second of every day because it is so new and different to us. However, Superman was smart enough to point out that there are more ways to show his love for me than just those words. Some examples that I have noted with a secret smile?

Messaging me in the middle of the night telling me how grateful he is to have me in his life.

Sending me a song that describes who I am in order to cheer me up (Check out “I won’t back down” by Tom Petty).

Never knocking any ideas down but realistically pointing out the pros and cons, even when I don’t want to hear the cons.

Staying up late when an unfortunate circumstance has happened.

Asking if he wanted to come to a funeral with me for support.

In this sense, I like to hear “I love you” but actions speak louder than words and well, take a look at these actions! As well, I want him to say it to me when he feels like it and is not forced. It is much more genuine that way.

Like I said before, a relationship is how two people relate to one another throughout life’s circumstances. I believe that what Superman and I have is an amazing start to a beautiful commitment.

Sincerely,

The Modern Day Fairy Godmother